When I began this life of a blogger, just over two years ago, I decided I wanted to be anonymous. Try it out for a while, see how it was, stay under the radar. I thought a pseudonym was glamorous. I'm a person who is not shy to voice her opinions and sometimes I have a very strong opinion. I'm not always able to say what I mean delicately. I just put it all out there. Take it or leave it. I thought maybe it was safer to hide behind a "fake" identity. But not being able to blurt out who I actually was and take credit for a great post was really hard sometimes. And secrets never really stay secret for long. It's just too hard to keep two "identities" separate. I am who I am.
It started with my restaurant reviews. A few of the restaurants who liked my posts put my reviews up in their restaurants or contacted me and wanted to meet me. And then came the Etsy site. I can't fake my name on a Credit Card Statement. The strict legalities of it all got to be too confusing.
I weighed the option of deleting this blog in its entirety and quiting the blog world. That saddened me. I've made a lot of "friends" here and I didn't want to lose that. I enjoy the interaction. I use this forum as way to cope with the world, deal with difficult situations, share humours events, seek solutions and encouragement. I contemplated starting a new blog, but I wanted to keep Eat, Bitch & Whine, to me, that says it all. So in the end, I'm keeping it all, I'm acknowledging my triumphs and my mistakes and I'm moving forward.
Maybe part of the whole pseudonym thing was that I don't really know who I am. This year I will be turning 30. Holy shit. 30. I think in the last few years I've really come into my own. I'm gaining valuable life experience, funny how that happens. I feel like I'm fitting into my own self. I know that sounds funny. But I feel like I'm finally getting to know myself. I feel right in my own skin.
And so I'm starting over with a few things this 2010. There will be no more "Paige". Close friends and a few family members including my husband have always known about "Paige". They knew she was me. And they respected my needs to remain anonymous. "Paige" was more of a way to protect their identities. I think I will continue keep close friends and family nameless. But from now on I will be assuming my own name.
I think on a few occasions I have hid behind "Paige" as an identity. It wasn't my intention to slough my responsibilities and use her name as excuse, like an alter-ego. If you dig deep enough you can connect the dots. But sometimes Paige and I have conflicting consciences. She doesn't care, but I have to live with the consequences of my words.
I have never written anything I did not intend anyone to read. If I published it, I was meant to be shared. I will agree some things I have said maybe shouldn't have been published here, or at least, worded a little more sensitively. I am going to try to make sure that doesn't happen again. On the same token, I don't want to be censored. This is my forum. I'm going to say what I want to say. Take it or leave it. Most of the time I am stating the truth, as I see it. Sometimes the truth hurts. I'm sorry, that's the way the world works. If you don't agree with me, by all means share your opinion. I want conversations and comments. I want debates and differences of opinions. I want interaction. If I call you on your bullshit and I'm wrong I expect you to do the same call me on my bull shit.
All that being said...
Can we start over? Hi, I'm Susan. It's nice to meet all of you.
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