Eat, Bitch & Whine

What I learned September 23

2011-09-23T08:30:00.000-06:00

I tried these. They make my teeth hurt. Like Calvin's Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. I have learned however, since now I have to finish the box by myself, and I don't have any children, that they are better if you mix them at least half and half with regular or Multigrain Cheerios, maybe even a quarter chocolate to three quarters plain...

New TV Shows!

2011-09-22T08:51:00.000-06:00

I'm getting addicted to more stupid shows. And they really are stupid, but I love them! The other morning I was hee-hawing around, sitting on the couch, drinking an entire pot of coffee by myself, (which is very unusual for me, I rarely drink coffee, if I do it's always half something else, hot chocolate, french vanilla... but I've taken a liking to the International Delight flavoured creamers, it's still basically only half a cup of coffee, the other half is cream, at least a three second pour, but at least I can make this myself at home, I don't have to go somewhere to get it. This Caramel Macchiato is wonderfully delicious!) Anyway J was sleeping in, I was on the couch reading a scrapbooking catalogue, having a coffee with the tv on. The movie I was watching ended on on came Drop Dead Diva. I got so into it I watched the whole hour without really meaning to and now I've been frantically searching the web for a site so I can watch old episodes for free. (I've you wanna know what it's all about you can click on the link, I won't bore you with details, it really is kinda flakey and soap operaish...) I ended up signing up for a free trial of Netflix, which is also pretty cool, and I'm halfway through the first season!

Then through the magic of tv I saw a commerical for The New Girl, with Zooey Deschanel, LOVE HER! I programmed my TVR to watch the season premier last night (I had to work late, so my wonderful hubby made supper and I had a nice plate to warm up when I got home from work! And then he said he'd even sit at watch my silly show with me.) It was pretty funny, I'll watch a few more shows I think though before "loving it". My favourite part ist he "douch jar", like a swear jar but if someone from the group thinks you've said something douchey you have to put money into the jar. Awesome!

And I have officially deleted How I Met Your Mother from my TVR list. I gave it one last shot for the season premiere last night and not even halfway through I had to shut it off, Ted Mosby is a freak! Like fuck me reeeally! Just can't do it anymore.

Sorry for all those long, run-on sentences, I feel like it's been a long time since we talked, I have so much to say and tell you about! *breathe* Maybe it's all the coffee? If only you could be in my head right now... it's a mess!

Thank you!

2011-09-21T14:35:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to say thank you to the guy ahead of me in the Tim Horton's line-up this mroning who bought my coffee and bagel. I tried to see your logo on your truck, LLP something? You drive a black Ford Super Duty, I was in a silver Honda Civic behind you... Anyway that was wicked awesome, totally made my day. That's never happened to me before. I was so stunned at the window I couldn't even pay it forward to the guy behind me, but I intend to pass on the good karma! Thanks so much for making my day!

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

2011-09-14T10:15:00.001-06:00

Just [comment] if you can hear me, is there anybody home?

I'm guilty of it too - comfortably numb in my feed reader, reading and not acknowledging. So Earl at the Verdant Dude was complaining no one was reading/following or contributing to the collaborated food blog he created, of which he gratefully accepted me as a member.

So here's a shake up! We've got a long winter coming, it's fast approaching and the only thing that's gonna keep you warm and get you through it is Sip, Simmer & Share

I just posted a wicked stuffed peppers recipe that you need to go and check out! Do it. DO IT!

What I learned Augusut 26, 2011

2011-08-26T08:35:00.001-06:00

Raspberry flavoured (or "scented" if you will) Lady Speed Stick anti-perspirant is not a good scent. You should never been in a rush to purchase deodorant because the cute boy who works at Shopper's Drug Mart is watching you. Now I will have a head ache all day...

I learn something new everyday...

2011-08-22T12:21:00.001-06:00

Today I learned that it is not a good idea to put your running shoes in your dryer when you use Bounce Bars. Why you ask? And maybe I just didn't think this through, but the the shoes bang around in the there and they knock the shit out of the Bounce bars. So when I went to see if my shoes were dry I found eight thousand pieces of my Bounce bar all around my dryer drum. Nice, real nice.

Shameless Plug: Other than that I love how the Bounce bar works, I always for get to put the dryer sheet in the dryer so at least this way when it's already stuck in there, your clothes always come out fresh and static free!

Now off to vacuum out my dryer...

Tomato Soup and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

2011-08-15T13:24:00.000-06:00

That's what I had for lunch today. It didn't look like the photo above though. And I learned something today: tomato soup made with skim milk, with crushed whole wheat crackers (Premium Plus, non-salted tops), although healthier, is not as tasty. And grilled cheese on multi-grain bread with low fat cheddar isn't as good as no nutritional value white bread and processed Velveeta cheese slices.

A Few Things...

2011-08-10T08:37:00.000-06:00

Why is it when your husband has to get up early for work that means that you, the wife, always end up having to get up early too?

If you have smoke in your house what would you do first? Call the fire department or phone your insurance company? I don't work in a call centre in Iraq but for all you know I do, so, from my office cubicle, what would you like me to do about the smoke in your house?

A good morning is going through the McDonald's drive through to get a bacon and egg McMuffin, then eating that breakfast sandwich while in the Tim Horton's drive through line-up to get a half coffee, half French Vanilla. What would be even better would be if one place could do both breakfast sandwiches AND coffee well.

To which I say: click your heels together three times and go screw yourself!

2011-07-30T23:03:00.000-06:00

In accordance with my new masthead...

From a 1950's high school home economics textbook, teaching girls how to prepare for married life.

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time.

This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
He has just been with a lot of work- weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.
Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes.
They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Things to avoid: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner.
Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

** I copied this directly from http://www.funfacts.com.au/1950s-housewife/

Truths for Mature Humans

2011-07-29T11:30:00.000-06:00

I was reading this post over at The Diva's place and I was introduced to this place where I saw this list that made my day! I laughed and laughed like I haven't done in a while...

What my boyfriend did...

2011-07-28T10:57:00.001-06:00

He shaved his head for a new tough guy movie role and he's still sexy as hell!!

I just wanna give his bald melon a rub!

And then I remembered he's been bald before!

In Eurotrip!

That girl is actually me - you just don't reconize me all movie starred-up!

Matt makes an incredibly HOT rock star, black fingernails and all! Hoo boy!

New Project

2011-06-14T13:47:00.000-06:00

I needed a space to display my paper crafted delights so I started something new over here... Check it out, or don't, do what you will.

Just an Average Joe

2011-06-01T19:25:00.004-06:00

I am definitely beginning to think I am not destined to be a professional athlete.

I ~~volunteered~~ was coerced into joining a slow pitch team this summer. I have several concerns with that last statement. To me, slow pitch is just a game. It's meant to be fun, it shouldn't matter if you suck, or if it's been twenty years since you last played or if your glove is from 1980. It should matter that you try hard, drink a lot of beer and HAVE FUN! But that is NEVER how it is. There is always someone on the team who is super competitive and they let that get the best of them and they yell at you because you fuck up, or you drop the ball, or you strike out or you can't throw or you don't call the ball when making a catch. When they themselves seem to have forgotten that they are playing in a SLOW PITCH "BEER" LEAGUE and they are not participating in the World Series! Hey guy, I don't need to be reminded of gym class when I was eight and was picked last because I was the girl who sucked. I've spent a lot of money on therapy to ~~repress~~ acknowledge and progress through those feelings. I didn't come here on my day off to feel like I'm one inch tall.

That being said I have been assured that the team I ~~have be forced to join~~ am now a part of is strictly FUN, our goal is to win only one game. And if we can't even do that, that's okay too - cuz we look good in our new jerseys. I have also been assured that if while part of being on this team I am ever yelled at or make to feel one inch tall I can yell back and not feel bad about it.

Our first game was this past Sunday. We're called the Average Joe's - you know like the movie Dodge Ball? Yeah, "dodge ball", ironic that that's where the idea for our t-shirts came from. Dodge the ball I did not...

It was my turn up to bat, I strutted up to the plate, and by plate I mean large piece of plywood, kicked the dirt a little to make it look like I knew what I was doing, signalling to the pitcher to "look out! This one, she knows what she's doing!" I positioned myself just right and waited for the pitch. The pitcher threw me a perfect six foot arc, cuz that's how you roll in slow pitch, I kept my eye on the ball, I swung for all I was worth, and to my surprise I connected with the ball! It went at least six or seven feet I'm sure! I think who ever was after the ball bobbled it a bit, I'm not entirely sure cuz I was given' 'er all I had to first base. And then... SWACK! Slow pitch ball to the right inner thigh. Sunovabitch! I felt it spin, I felt every thread embed itself into my flesh. Holy Hannah Montana that did not tickle! But you know what? It wasn't an out, I got the base! Hey hot shot, how do ya like me now?! I couldn't stand or even finish my run, but I got the base.

Below is a photo of my bruise the day it happened. It didn't come out quite as clearly as I had hoped, but you can see it's the exact size of a soft ball.

The photo above is from Tuesday (two days later) - the purple part has spread to nearly nine inches around! I've never experienced a bruise of this magnitude! And so painful, walking is nearly impossible. I'd like to keep photo documenting this and I hope to update again once the bruise has reached the sludgy green colour! (Sorry for the creepy one legged photo, kinda looks like I detached my leg and propped it up for the photo shoot.)

When I told a co-worker that I was playing slow pitch on the weekend she exclaimed: "How are you going to play ball? You can't even ride a bike!" There go my dreams of making the next Olympic bobsled team!

Training Session Gone Wrong - Take 2

2011-05-25T11:46:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I was attempting to train the pup how to run beside the bike.

Do I need to say anymore?

We were doing pretty good for the first bit and then it all went to shit. I think an approaching car that had pulled into a driveway spooked Shelby or distracted her and she ran in front of my front tire.

Now I have road rash on my hand on on my knee.

I don't think I've fallen off my bike and been scraped up like this since I was eight!

It's really quite humourous actually. I picked up my bike real quick and pretended everything was okay and then I limped back to my house to put the dog AND the bike in the backyard.

You think I would have learned my lesson after trying to teach the dog to run beside me while I roller-bladed... That one didn't end well either.

We ended up going for a walk to get a slurpee so I could have something cold to hold onto to reduce the swelling from the embedded gravel in my hand.

Maybe we'll try it again another time...

1000th Post and 101 Stupid Questions

2011-05-19T08:18:00.005-06:00

Shit. My last post was March 25. WTF? I don't know, I guess shit happened and I didn't write about it. Figured I better get something up before Christine yells at me.

So I was reading over at theVerdant Dude and he had these 101 Stupid Questions (Actually it's only 100 Stupid Questions b/c #79 is a repeat) and I thought, why not? I've got nothing to do with my time while I'm at work, at least nothing that will benefit the company, so here it is!

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I was on an interactive nature walk, blind folded and waled into a wild rose bush, a real big one, now I have a one inch scar on my shoulder.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM? A Norman Rockwell puzzle, Summer Love?
3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE? A Red Samsung with a black rubber case, but soon I will get an i-Phone!
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? 70s!
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? No, but I know I was ten days late.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? A nap.
7. WHO DO YOU MISS? My auntie Ruth.
8. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU? J. and I'm sure if Matt Damon knew how I was he'd totally have a crush on me.
9. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED? J.
10. WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Katherine, but you can refer to me as Katherine Duchess of the Skatch...
11. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED? Friends.
12. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? Some insured who called my work line.
13. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Only if I've just recently watched a scary movie or tv show, which could even be Criminal Minds. I have a very overactive imagination...
14. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Me about the mess that is (was?) my life.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? I like fruity smells, but don't really like to wear perfume myself - too overpowering. I bought J some David Beckham stuff that is pretty amazing though.
16. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Blonde and blue eyes. Or dark with blue eyes or even red... I don't think it matters.... Matt Damon?
17. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY? Both.
18. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee! From Tim's, half hot chocolate.
19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Mushrooms!
20. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A gigantic bowl of pasta with seafood and cream sauce!
21. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD? My boss.
22. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE? Note really. Like a few words here and there in French and German and maybe Spanish.
23. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? Shit that's a dumb question. I'm sure I got some cute baby shit when I was born...
24. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE? No I don't like anyone.
25. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? I don't think so.
26. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Whatever is on sale and feels good.
27. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR? My husband is a bad influence on me. Until I met him I didn't really care, whatever I was driving was fine as long as it got me from A to B and didn't leave me at A.5, then he introduced me to the Audi R8... In Phantom Black Pearl. Good lord I didn't know you could feel such things for a CAR!
28. WHAT COLOR IS IT? I told you, Phantom Black Pearl... Sounds sexy as hell doesn't it!
29. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF EXERCISE? Seriously are there people who have favourites of this? Nevermind, I'm sure my trainer does. I don't have a favourite, I hate them all equally.
30. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Probly, it would be my luck that that would happen.
31. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Cook them their favourite meal.
32. WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? 6.
33. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Blondes, we definitely have more fun!
34. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? J's.
35. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? My job.
36. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST? Went to the U.S., so far Vegas was the Best, but Disney World was pretty cool too.
37. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Food.
38. FRIES/CHIPS, RICE, OR BEANS? Fries.
39. FIRST JOB? I did yard work for a doctor.
40. EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE? Sure.
41. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS? Wondering what I was going to do with my time while at work today.
42. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? I don't think I'd get it.
43. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME? I have no idea, it's starting to get a bit ridiculous.
44. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My dimples.
45. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? I'd be doing a lot of illegal drinking I guess.
46. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A Phantom Black Pearl Audi R8 or Matt Damon with a bow...
47. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? None.
48. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Both of my grandmothers.
49. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Sometimes.
50. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? My index finger?
51. WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A Bagel B.E.L.T. from Tim's.
52. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's alright if I'm not in a rush and I have a nice pen to use.
53. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast beef.
54. ANY BAD HABITS? Chewing my nails, over eating, not exercising enough, drinking too much, the usual.
55. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? Celine Dion?
56. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probly not, I can be a real bitch sometimes.
57. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? Always.
58. DO LOOKS MATTER? Sometimes.
59. YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER? Just let 'er rip! Blood pressure through the roof, swearing like a sailor, yelling, fist waving.
60. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Don't have one, still paying off my first home.
61. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? No.
62. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? I don't remember.
63. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE? 40?
64. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Never.
65. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS? My fourth cousin or something like that is Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, but I've never met him. Does that count?
66. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Heck yeah! It was awesome and then I couldn't breathe.
67. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PLACE TO LIVE? I'd love a more open-concept house where the kitchen and dining room and living room are all kind of one big room. Big enough to have everyone over for the holidays. And an en-suite bathroom to the Master bedroom would be nice.
68. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Suzi Q
69. HOW MANY HATS DO YOU OWN? WHAT’S YOUR HAT SIZE? 4-5, Medium?
70. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not usually.
71. WERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING? Who's Steve Irwin? The crocodile guy?
72. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Cookies & Cream
73. ARE YOU LAZY? Sometimes.
74. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT? Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO
75. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND? Right now? Straight No Chaser.
76. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? None.
77. DO YOU WANT TO GO ANYWHERE SPECIAL THIS YEAR? I want to go some place special every year. When I suggest a holiday J tells me he'll take me to Regina, otherwise known as the asshole of the Prairies. Thanks.
78. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The radio and a construction crew outside my office door.
79. LAST THING YOU ATE? Really? Again? See #51.
80. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? A co-worker.
81. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE MORNING? How tired I am and how it felt like I didn't sleep one bit and why is it time to get up already?
82. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? I don't know.
83. FAVORITE TWO THINGS TO HATE? How is hating things a favourite activity?
84. FAVORITE DRINK? Some kind of fruit flavoured iced tea, maybe with some vodka...
85. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? Don't have one.
86. SPORTS YOU LIKE TO WATCH? Hockey!
87. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Blonde
88. EYE COLOR? Brown.
89. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? I wear sunglasses at night.
90. SIBLINGS? Nope.
91. FAVORITE MONTH(s)? May b/c flowers are starting to bloom and October b/c fall has arrived and my birthday is just around the corner.
92. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? It's alright.
93. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Disaster DIY - that Brian Baeumler is quite hot...
94. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? The summer solstice?
95. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? No.
96. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer.
97. KISSES OR HUGS? Both.
98. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS? Relationships.
99. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY? Matt Damon!
100. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY PERSON TO ASK YOU ON A DATE? Matt Damon
101. BOOKS YOU’D LIKE TO SEE TURNED INTO A FILM? All books should be made into films and then I wouldn't have to read.

5 on the 25th

2011-03-25T08:12:00.000-06:00

You are welcome for the help I gave fixing your mistakes. It really was no big deal to spend two hours of my day reversing, re-posting and reissuing entries on your files only to have you snark back that you hate when other people are in your business. To which I would have liked to say, "Don't be such a fuck up and maybe get better at life."

White grape juice reminds me of you. Every time we had breakfast at your house you would have it. And every time you set it on the table for us you would tell us how you once mistook it for apple juice. I miss you Oma...

Your family ran the concession stands at the pool. You were my favourite. One day your dad was helping you out on a particularly busy day. I had no idea what the actual price was or that you gave me a special deal on your famous bagel sandwiches. To this day I'm still embarrassed about when your dad asked for my money and I gave him $2 thinking that was the usual. He questioned what kind of shop you were running. You asked if it was me and then saw me in the window and winked. I never could figure you out, but I paid you back the next day.

Last Saturday night at about 8:30pm you texted me and told me you were proud of the extra work we had been putting in at the gym. It was right around the time I was ordering a rye and coke and a plate of nachos... I think it was a coincidence but maybe not? In any case I didn't order the nachos.

To the jackass that was attempting to operate a motor vehicle of the truck variety in front of me at the Tim Horton's on 8th and Moss this morning: Come on man, you own a truck, learn how! It may help if you put your dang cell phone down and since you already have demonstrated that you can not multi task, maybe getting a coffee and a breakfast sandwich, while talking on your phone and trying to drive isn't such a good idea!

Puppy Update

2011-03-12T20:04:00.004-06:00

As usual I'm way behind in what's been going on. I'm so far behind actually I think I'm first. Why so busy? Because I'm trying to stay sane and stay one step ahead of a busy puppy. Shelby the Magnificent is now just over a year old. And after exactly one year we are finally house trained! Every time we thought she had it, we'd turn around to find another puddle. She'd go for for a couple weeks being really good and then all of a sudden you went to the kitchen to get a Pepsi and your sock was wet. I'd almost resigned to the fact that she would just be one of those dogs that couldn't be trained.

J had an idea to teach her to "speak" at the back door. She caught on to that right away! Jetta already knows that trick and every time she did it she got a treat. It took about a day and Shelby getting real pissed off that she wasn't getting a treat. She caught on that a bark equaled a treat. And then she'd bark like mad! Then every time we let her out she had to "speak". And now! Miraculously she will go to the back door by her self and bark when she needs to be let out! *beaming with joy* Now I can sit and watch tv and relax. I don't have to worry about listening for her wondering where she is and if she's taking a leak on my rug!

She is however, still a giant TURD. If she isn't occupied with a rope or a rawhide or a toy filled with peanut butter it takes her 2.5 second to get into exactly what she shouldn't. Shoes. Toilet paper. Recycle bins. Garbage cans. And in this particular instance, a ball of yarn I bought to make a wreath.

Seriously I went to the kitchen to put my keys on the counter. The yarn wasn't even out of the bag yet. I came back into the room to find this! And she's quiet too! I didn't suspect a thing!

Here both dogs are being very helpful rolling the change!

Shelby enjoying a treat filled with frozen peanut butter.

If it's frozen it takes her longer to devour it.

And here she is hoarding ALL of the toys. Apparently they all belong to her!

Dear Mother Nature

2011-03-07T07:41:00.001-06:00

Thank you for giving us back the daylight. I was so nice to be able to see out my dining room window this morning while I ate my oatmeal. Now. It's March. Maybe you could do something about the cold?

Thanks.

Five on the 5th

2011-03-05T09:37:00.000-06:00

What if after the movie you took me to on our first date I followed my gut instinct and didn't go out with you again? What would I have done differently in those three years?

What if you didn't work here? Would I be happier and enjoy my job more?

Our lives no longer intersect on a daily basis as they once did. Every now and again I hear rumours of your life now. You got married, had a baby, got divorced and now are trying to find your way again. I've heard you thought I was the one that got away.

I wish you would stop fidgeting in class. And buy a new sweater vest, wearing the same one everyday is annoying. Maybe try something that isn't an Argyle pattern.

Sometimes I miss our discussions on new music albums. When I hear songs by artists you used to like I wonder what your opinions are on them now. Then I recall that you only kept me around out of convenience, until something better came along. I'm sure that if you truly considered me a friend we probably would still be in touch with one another.

6:38am

2011-02-28T11:23:00.002-06:00

Alarm/radio goes off and the first thing I hear:

"It's -18 this morning, we've already reached our daytime high. With the wind chill it feels like minus 35. Expect high winds and snow today. It's a miserable Monday."

I laid there and said to myself: Fantastic! I sure feel like getting up and going to work now. Especially after having a week off...

An Extraordinary Cake!

2011-02-26T13:22:00.000-06:00

Well I'm officially one month late in getting this post up - forgive me. It's cold outside. Extremely cold and I'm using that as my excuse for EVERYTHING until spring.

January 26th was this young man's birthday. He is one of "the beautiful minds" I talked about here. And since I have no idea what a 16 year old boy wants for his birthday I opted to share one of my favourite things with him. He was to choose something to cook or bake, anything, everything, what ever he wanted in the whole wide world and we would make it. I asked for a photo of what he had in mind, a cake decorated with fruit. I set off to find a recipe!

This is what we came up with! A delicious masterpiece!

I had a blast making the cake and I hope he did as well. Happy birthday buddy! Sorry I'm so late with sharing!

One a side note, an apology to his younger brother who, on his birthday, chose chocolate creme brulee. In the celebration of the best creme brulee I have ever tasted it completely escaped my mind to get a photo! We'll do it again next year and I'll set up the video camera!

Be Mine!

2011-02-14T08:56:00.001-06:00

2011-02-01T10:24:00.001-06:00

Is there an eraser for highlighters? There should be. I need one.

My dear husband bless his heart.

2011-01-14T14:48:00.004-06:00

It's been as busy week. I've forced myself to return to the gym after being side tracked by the Christmas season. I can tell you that I will never quit again after how I felt the first day back. Tuesday we began our new gym workout for the second time. We were introduced to the new program at the end of October - it's a four day regime and we have yet to complete it in it's entirety. Four days later I still can't walk right. I also signed up for my second last insurance class, so four nights a week supper has been delayed by a couple hours. The good Mennonite girl side of me has a huge conflict with this schedule, as the majority of evenings I am not home to have the hot meal waiting for my husband when he gets home from work.

I'll start from the beginning. Tuesday my cousin and I, while at the gym, we were rudely asked if we were going to use one of the weight apparatus machines - I don't know what it's called - the one with the bar that you add weight to - and then you lift the bar off it's hooks and do whatever you need to do. Apparently some guys using the same apparatus next to us didn't believe that my cousin and I were actually going to lift the bar with weights on it. And in fact we were going to be squatting 95 lbs, so there! Believe it and then as soon as I'm able to walk again you should be afraid!

Getting to the point: we completed our work out and in the process pulled every single muscle in our legs. I had a very difficult time walking to my car afterwards. And I'm still having a difficult time with stairs. So because I have had a helluva time with mobility this week I wasn't able to get to the store to buy groceries. Don't get me wrong there's enough food in our house to eat for a year I'm sure, but there weren't any fresh veggies. More simply there really wasn't anything that was acceptable to my trainer.

So I had meal plans for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and was banking on left overs for Thursday. But as Murphy's Law prevails when you rely on leftovers there are none! I racked by brain all day Thursday trying to come up with an idea for supper that would appease my trainer but that was also quick that I could whip up after I got home from the gym. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. This rarely happens. But I was too tired and too rushed to worry about it. I text J: "When you get home tonight you have to feed the dogs and come up with something for us for supper too." Why should I be the one who has to worry about it every day? Then off I went to the gym. On my way home I'm curious what he's come up with. I'm almost positive he'll make bacon and eggs... I wobble in the door and I can smell garlic toast. Hmm. Okay. "What did you come up with?"

Beaming proudly: "Garlic toast and clam chowder!" he tells me. He had bowls already to go, he had water poured, he found garlic bread in the freezer (the stash I keep for company) and baked it to golden brown perfection and he'd competently opened not one but two cans of Campbell's Seafood Chowder and had that simmering on the stove, (the stuff I buy for him when I'm out of town so I know he won't starve.) Oh boy. I'm proud of him I really am, but I can't eat it. The garlic bread is white bread, buttered on BOTH sides, and I know it's butter and not margarine. The canned soup is over processed, cream based and contains 12g of fat per cup, I'm starving and one cup is not going to cut it. Not to mention has enough sodium for three day's allotment. And not one vegetable. My trainer would be appalled that those items were even in the house!

J sees the reaction on my face and is instantly crushed. "J, I can't eat this." I tell him quietly. But I was so proud of him for coming up with something. And he was so proud of himself it killed me to tell him I couldn't eat it.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about it. I thought it would be a nice treat. Can we throw away all the processed food in the house so this doesn't happen again?" I smiled as I quickly ran through in my head the things he likes... chips, full fat cream cheese, mini wheat's, hot dogs, beef jerky... "or can you show me how to make some things that you can eat?"

"Don't worry this won't be happening again." I say.

"Here, pick something that's allowed from the place down the street, I'll go pick it up! I'm so sorry!" I ended up ordering a veggie stir-fry and in the process Shelby helped herself to half the pot of soup.

All's well that ends well.

Bathroom Reno Nearly Complete!

2011-01-04T20:31:00.005-06:00

Nearly two years ago, (it will be two years on January 31) we began a new bathroom project. We started from scratch, there was no rough-in in our basement. It was a concrete slab. J drilled and hammered out the concrete, found the drain pipes, set up all the new plumbing as required, framed the walls, poured concrete back in over the new plumbing, levelled the floor, drywalled, mudded (is that even a word?), taped, sanded, awkwardly manoeuvred a one piece shower from our backyard through the dining room window and down into the basement. We did it all. And then some. Well J did most of it. I painted and bought the pretty things - and I screwed in one vanity knob. Yay!

I'm a little upset with myself for not capturing all the stages. I didn't think to take any photos until the first paint colour didn't really turn out as hoped. I'd found a beautiful Asian-ish spa type theme - light lavender walls, white everything else, dark floors - that's the general idea. Think beautiful purple iris's and clean, crisp towels.

Away I go with General Paint's "Frivolous" purple. It's p-u-r-p-l-e. But I love it! And then the dark bamboo/grass like dark flooring goes in and the vanity top with flecks of purple is added. Suddenly it's AWFUL. And I'm devastated. Something has to go, there is something horribly wrong with the vanity, flooring and paint trifecta. But I have no idea how to fix this.

I do what I swore I would never do. Like seriously how hard is to pick a paint colour and add accessories? There are more things to think about than you think. I called in a designer. Chantelle from Funktional Space was PHENOMENAL! I just searched designers in the area and I immediately loved her website. So I called her and she came over. We chatted for a few hours, she helped me pick a new paint colour to match my flooring and my vanity. I was set at ease. She made a few suggestions for other areas of my house too which was great! Now I just have to save up for those projects...

The above three photos are of the hideous/beautiful purple.

The last five photos are of my beautiful finished product!

Tahda!

The walls are now a beautiful warm shade of Saddlery Tan (Para Paints from Blended Jive - a wicked cool store I never would have ventured into on my own.)

Please note the crystal door knob - like the old school ones in houses from the 1900s. It's my most favourite part of the bathroom. I tried to love a cheaper knob because to me $50 for a door knob is stupid. But the cheaper knob did not belong...

A scrumptious winter soap from Bath & Body Works... I think that one is called Orange Spice.

Oval mirror is from Home Depot. If you come to my house there is a new strictly enforced rule: DO NOT TOUCH THE MIRROR!

It is a huge pain in my arse to clean! That frosted glass, however beautiful is high maintenance! (The light fixture is from Rona - all the hardware (faucets, knobs, towel hooks) is a brushed nickel finish)

I have never purchased actual wall art in my life. The designer recommended something metal and fairly large to put above the toilet. I found this one at Home Sense and bought it immediately. I think it needs some purple jewels or flowers or something? I also bought a new "piece" for our master bedroom and now I'm addicted to buying art. I have been looking for some time for something that I liked and I figured I might have to paint my own because there was just nothing out there that caught my attention. But now I see things I want everywhere!

The towel hook and toilet paper holder are from B.A. Robinson. It's the Kohler showroom. That place is ridiculous! So many beautiful things for very extravagant prices. I would have everything Kohler if I could afford it. I just have a Kohler sink and few other accessories. You will not believe how much I spent on the towel hook, toilet paper dispenser and three bath sheet towel hooks (mounted behind the door). Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

I went with an eggplant purple for accessories. I just couldn't give up my dream of a purple bathroom. Towels are from Ikea.

See that pretty Kleenex box in the back - it's the same shade purple as my towels.

I only buy the pretty boxes...

So that's my new bathroom! We're just waiting for the shower doors to arrive and then it's 100% complete! *breathing a sigh of relief* Just in time to start the next project...

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T12:25:00.001-06:00

Celebrity Dream

2010-12-24T08:57:00.000-06:00

Last night I had a dream that I made out with this guy! Oh yeah! He's from the soap, General Hospital, that I'm totally addicted to.

"Johnny" - he's in the mob. So bad-ass! His real name is Brandon Barash. So dreamy!

In my dream he was leaving Port Charles, the town in which the soap is set. I don't really know the reason why, he was having some kind of trouble and he was all sad. I pulled him into the men's bathroom (that we were apparently standing near?) and kissed him - my attempt to make things better. I'm such a hussy.

"Whoa, what's all this about?" He questioned with a sly smile.

"I don't want you to leave," I said. "What about Olivia?" (Olivia is the character Johnny is dating in the soap.)

"Things are different between her and I. I love her but we can't seem to stay on track."

The next thing I know he's performing some kind of good bye act, like a funny going away dance for everyone to remember him by. He acknowledged me as a special girl in his life. And then I woke up.

My New Sardine Can

2010-12-23T07:26:00.002-06:00

So our office just moved to a new location...

This is the new sardine can in which I work (above). And I'm lucky, there are only three other people in the room with me (along with all the other office equipment.)

The other nine people I work with are in here (above). It's about a four hundred square foot room...

Why you ask? Why does a multi-billion surplussing company do this to their employees? To save money of course! Our new location is about 30% bigger than where we came from. We had to move because our lease came due and they either wouldn't renew our lease because they wanted to sell the whole building, not just the 1/4 we leased, or the rent increased and management didn't want to pay more. That part I understand, but couldn't you open up your pocket book for just one extra month so the renovations could be completed before we moved in? Insert expletives here. Many of them. (I'm trying to cut out the cussing come the new year so bear with me...)

Sigh.

You think moving is stressful? Try moving with 10 other people you have to be moderately polite to. Try having to accommodate everyone's special needs. Like having that monstrous fridge so one person can but their stupid sandwich in it because they don't want it to freeze and they're too cheap to buy lunch our for a couple of weeks. Try doing it all over the Christmas season when everyone is already stressed out and irritable. It's not going to be fun but we have to make the best of it. You're going to have to make a few concessions people! Gah!

I locked my keys in my car and then I paniced.

2010-11-18T10:05:00.003-06:00

I locked my keys in my car last night. I haven't done that in ages. And I'm glad. It's the worst feeling ever. Just a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Oh shit. Now what?

I was at the dog park because my dogs were being orangutans and needed to run off some excess energy. I put on three pairs of pants, two shirts, two jackets, mitts, toque etc. and packed up the dogs in the car. Away we went. I'm figuring a quick jaunt at the park where they're free to run a muck and burn off some pent up energy will do us all some good. Then we'll rip home and make supper. Mmm Pad Thai tonight. Great plan!

We get to the park - at the same time as I'm trying to get my dogs out of the car, two guys get out of their vehicle and are also trying to corral their two dogs into the park. For a couple minutes it's mass chaos. I can handle one excited sixty pound dog, but not two, especially when they're barking right in my ear. I usually take them into the park with their leashes on, we attempt to be calm and sit before they're let off leash. At this point with all the bouncing around I don't care, I'm trying to unsnap the leashes and let them loose. I set my keys down on the back seat so I can undo the leashes quicker. Finally the dogs are free and everyone makes it into the park. I lock and shut the back door....

It's cold and windy and snowing slightly. I go to put my keys in my pocket and put my mitts on. No keys. They must be in my other pocket. Nope. Well maybe their in the first pocket under all the poop bags and treats. No. Great. Now what? I go and look in the car. Yup there they are sitting on the back seat. And the doors sure are locked. Super.

Panic. I'm going to have to talk to a stranger and borrow a cell phone to call J to pick me up. I can't. Panic. Internal dialogue begins: I'm here I might as well do what I came to do. Maybe J will get home early and see that I'm not home yet and come to the park. I told him earlier that's where I would be. (Lap number two.) I wonder what time it is? Why didn't I put my cell phone in my pocket like I always usually do? Stupid. I'll do a couple more laps, the dogs need it. You're gonna have to talk to someone. Panic. It's stupid to keep walking here waiting for J. He's probably not even going to clue in that you're late until much much later. You'll be freezing by then. Just go and ask someone to borrow their phone. Panic. Everyone has a phone. It'll be okay. What if no one responds when I ask? What if no one has a phone? What if everyone else locked they're keys in the car and you're stuck here? Don't be stupid. Ask someone! Panic. (Lap 3 - I'm looking for a woman to approach. There are only men at the park today. Panic.) Okay at the end of this lap you're gonna ask someone at the gate to use their cell phone. It's okay. You can do this. They're all dog people here. Dog people are nice people. It's okay. Everyone has locked their keys in their car at some point. Panic. If no one has a phone you'll go the house across the street and ask them. You can do this.

ME: "Does anyone have a cell phone I could borrow. I locked my keys in my car."

STRANGER: "Oh sure I can grab it for you, just a second." Very nice man goes to truck to grab phone. Slight wave of relief. I dial J. I can't get the phone to work. I try again. Am I an idiot? Have I forgotten how to use a fricking cell phone?

ME: "I'm sorry, I can't get it to work."

STRANGER: "Oh jeeze, you know what it's going through my blue tooth. Just a sec... There. That should work."

ME: "I'm really sorry for the trouble." I dial again. I can't get it to ring. "I still can't get it to ring." Stranger dials the number for me.

STRANGER: "It's busy now, he's probably trying to answer or call back and doesn't know the number." He tries a few more times. "There, it rang, he should be on the line now."

ME: "J?" (Panic.)

J: "Hello?"

ME: "It's me... It's Susan. (wavering) We'reathedogparkandIlockedmykeysinthecar.Canyoucomegetus?" I had to get it all out before the panic came again.

J: "Oh shit. Yeah I'll be right there."

ME: "Don't worry about the spare key just come get me we'll get the car later." I hang up and give the phone back to the nice stranger.

ME to STRANGER: "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the trouble." (More panic and trying not to cry in front of nice stranger.)

STRANGER: "Oh no problem at all. See ya later."

I start walking again. See that wasn't so bad. I walk three more laps before J comes. (The dogs don't seem to be getting tired at all.) We get into the warm truck and I lost my cool all over the place. Crying and hyperventilating and sputtering.

J: "It's okay, how many times have I forgotten my cell phone at home when I got to work or my wallet when we go shopping or how about the time I left key in my truck only to have someone steal my truck?!"

ME: More sputtering and crying.

J: "It's no big deal. I'm here now. We'll come back and get your car in a bit. What happened you sounded okay on the phone? I was surprised at how calm you sounded." Yeah calm.

ME: "You know how hard it is for me to talk to someone I don't know! It took me three laps just to be able to ask someone for help!! I was ready to just walk home!" Why didn't I think of walking home before? Because stupid! it's a helluva long walk home!!

So long story short, I locked my keys in my car, J rescued me and I didn't die. Then he took me out for Chinese food as I was in no state to cook. Thank you to the nice stranger who let me use his phone!

Weird Weather

2010-11-03T19:06:00.004-06:00

This week we've had some nicer weather and I was able to clean out the front garden. Something I should have done at the beginning of October, but it was still so warm then - everything was still growing, I couldn't bring myself to tear anything out. The weather has been so weird lately, the snow shovel I used last week now looks so out of place.

Compared to last week when it seemed winter was here to stay. One morning it was -17! (celcius) See (below) my plants were still doing quite nicely, until the snow came so suddenly.

Another shot of last week....

Another shot from today (above) It doesn' even look like last week happened!

Did I enter a time warp?

The days are getting darker and darker. That's the worst part for me. I turn on every light in the house and I just can't get it bright enough. I'm beginning to hate winter. And dread it. It's such a long time with the same grey sky and white(ish) landscapes. So blah.

My cousins are planting their "winter garden" in California and I'm tearing everything out dreaming of six months from now when I can plant again. What am I going to do for six months of darkness and cold? I already hate it and we haven't even begun yet...

The Verdant Dude Jack Contest

2010-10-28T08:36:00.001-06:00

I'm not above cheating so go to this site and vote for pumpkin number 9! Do it!

Fess up.

2010-10-27T11:30:00.005-06:00

So it's time to shake things up here. There has been far too much nothing getting posted lately. Since I'm caught up at work (shhh, don't tell anyone, and knock on wood) I pulled out the old "Nobody Cares What You Had For Lunch" blog book.

#2 says:

Writing gives you time to consider how to prevent yourself. Online,
you can be smarter, wittier, kinder. Alternately, you can be a mind-numbing bore. This sometimes happens because your audience (however small you think it may be) gives you stage fright. You worry that certain things could be misconstrued, so you're temped to water things down. You hone, delete, reshape until you've sucked all the juice from your posts.

All readers need an occasion dose of schadenfreude, so fess up. How do you fail? Do you consistently kill plants? Keep getting fired? Always take the last cookie? That's the stuff, friend. To err is human, but to share? Divine.

Here it is: I judge people quickly and harshly. I don't know if I mean to, but I do it. Within seconds of meeting someone I've already decided if I dislike them or some variant thereof. Very rarely will someone make a good first impression on me. And then I make people prove themselves to me. If you pass the test I'll let you in and treat you like gold, but beware if you cross me again. Usually I have a one strike and you're out rule. Harsh, I know. I've been trying to work on this.

Secondly, I love to eat. It's a bit of a problem, especially with the new "healthy lifestyle" I've been trying to adopt. My trainer is always giving me shit for things I try to sneak past her. The best is when no one is home and I have no one to hide from and I can just eat whatever I want and as much as I want. Then after I usually feel guilty for the crap I put in my body, but it's just a secret I keep to myself, no one else knows... I love food. I love the way it smells, I love the way it tastes. I love to make it, I love to give it away, I love to share it. I love trying new things and very rarely do I make the same thing twice - there are just too many things to try! To me it's like art...

Some things of late...

2010-10-26T09:54:00.007-06:00

I carved my pumpkin for Earl's pumpkin carving contest, set it on the coffee table to light the candle inside and the new puppy (not so much puppy anymore) barked at it. I laughed.

I have discovered some new delicious meals while cooking for The Diva and her family for the new arrival of "Artoo" to their family.

White Chicken Chili

Chicken Tortellini Soup

Peanut Butter Brownies

It snowed. Which I guess sin't a big surpise for this part of the world but since it's been so nice out lately I was getting used to a longer fall. I guess winter's here!

It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To

2010-10-14T14:11:00.000-06:00

3 - 0. It's like a bad hockey score.

Thirty. Staring me in the face. I doesn't feel any older than 29. But mentally I liked the sound of the twenties better. Wikipedia still considers thirty young adults. I like that.

So what does Suzi do when times get tough and the tough gets her down? She pulls out FRIENDS. The One Where They All Turn 30. (Sorry, embedding was disabled.)

We had talked about going to the Mall of America for my birthday, go shopping, maybe catch a hockey game... But part of being thirty means making smart, responsible decisions. So instead of putting the whole trip on a credit card and spending a bunch of money we don't have we decided not to go but to save up and go in a couple years. I feel better about being responsible. But I really would have rather been able to call room service for breakfast this morning!

I've had the week off work - stayed home to make crafts, play with my puppies (especially the one that may be responsible for getting us a noise violation, turd) and just do what I want to do. We're going for supper tonight, cake tomorrow and supper again on Tuesday with my cousins. (That's the part I'm looking forward to the most.)

I guess there's nothing I can do about it, I'm gonna be thirty if I like it or not so I guess I better get to liking it. I'm now eligible to become a United States senator (the minimum age is 30.) I learned 30 is the code for international direct dial phone calls to Greece. 30 is one of the more common numbers worn by hockey goaltenders. More fun facts about 30!

Turning 30 by Andy Rooney
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

2010-10-11T09:33:00.000-06:00

Yet another celebrity dream! Why do I even bother waking up?!

2010-10-06T14:24:00.005-06:00

A couple nights ago I had a dream that I kissed Johnny Galecki! My favourite geek Leonard Hofstader and me were an item! (You're gonna have to be a Bing Bang Theory fan to understand most of this post... sorry!)

We were at his apartment and he was upset about his break up with "Penny". I think Howard was in the apartment making out with some chick and Leonard was upset that even Howard could find a date and he couldn't.

We were sitting at the kitchen table and he was all up in his vulnerable geek state, I was trying to re-assure him that he was a nice guy, attractive and smart and funny and would find another girl to love him for who he was. Maybe even the girl sitting right across the table from him. He looked surprised like why had he never though of that before? And then he kissed me ever so tenderly.

2010-09-17T11:37:00.002-06:00

This morning I cried in my oatmeal.

Where do you go from there? How do you get past the stigma of having a complete stranger call you fat. How you rebound from your trainer telling you you're eating too much or not enough or not the right things over and over when you're giving it all you've got?

What do you do when "we" means "you" when the shit is sliding downhill?

You say to hell with it and you go to McDonald's and eat TWO egg McMuffins!

Nostalgia

2010-09-13T08:06:00.002-06:00

It was such a crisp, clear morning this morning. It made me feel like I should be getting a coffee to go and heading to an English class, ideas for essays in my head. It's these autumn-like mornings that kinda make me wish I was back in university.

Funny how when I was in school I would get frustrated with all the assignments, sometimes wishing I just had a normal job so when I came home I didn't have home work to do. And now sometimes going to my "normal job" is so monotonous I wish I was back in school dreaming up an essay.

2010-09-10T08:54:00.002-06:00

You know what really is annoying to me?

When people pronounce Graham "gram" or "grey ham"

The Pink Tie

2010-09-09T08:49:00.003-06:00

Last night I had a dream I was starting a new job as a waitress. It was going to be a part time, evenings and weekends type thing. I'm not really sure why I wanted to waitress part time - usually I have dreams that I'm back at the pool teaching swimming lessons.

I remember walking into the restaurant for my first shift - the restaurant was dark, not open to the public yet. A side "Deliveries Only" door was open, there was a staff area cleared in the kitchen, all the other servers were there. I sat down and was introduced to everyone, a cute boy sat down across from me, he winked at me told me not to be nervous. I recognized him as a waiter we had had at The Keg in real life. I remember telling J he was real cute. I think J and I were out for supper for my birthday and he was our waiter, wore a real nice pink tie. What's better than a special occasion, great wine, delicious food and a side of a dang nice waiter?

Then I remember we watched a customer service video and then we all got into one of the waitresses car, she drove around some strange streets I'd never seen before, going the wrong way on one way streets trying to find a parking spot. I guess we were serving at a different location that night? Finally everyone was getting out of the car going in four different directions, of course they all knew what they were doing and where they were going. The cute boy says to me with a smile, "See you at the end of the night!" Goodness me he was cute. And I thought to myself, nearly thirty and I still got it! Ha! What a laugh.

The next thing I knew my husband was at the side of the bed telling me he was on his way to work and that it was time to get up.

Just for the sake of a new post...

2010-09-08T14:37:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting at work reading Scrapbooks Etc. magazine (yes, very productive) when I come across a scrapbook layout with large brads used as colourful embellishments. The brads are large enough that they remind me of Smarties. And then I had to have Smarties**. So I walked across the street to the gas station and got some. (Still maintaining my productive work day.)

I enjoy that on the front of the package they spell colour with a "u". Normally I wouldn't go for a box of Smarties, I'd chose a Caramilk or a Wunderbar or something gooey like that. J often chooses a box of Smarties, or beef jerky. But he opens the box and dumps half the contents down his throat. I like to suck the colour off, then try and crack open the candy coating with my teeth and let the chocolate in the middle melt in my mouth.

** Kelli, if you're reading this I read the nutritional content on the back of the box and decided to have just a few, spread the 7g of fat over a few days... the Smarties were also followed by carrot sticks and yogurt. Please don't make me do more sprinting...

Various Letters As Required

2010-08-19T13:41:00.004-06:00

Dear Friends & Family:

I have embarked on a mission to change my life. By this I mean I am committed to a new lifestyle. A healthier lifestyle. I have promised myself to eat better and exercise more. I would appreciate your support. When I decline a piece of cake it's okay, I choose not to eat it, I'm not being punished, I don't hate myself, it's not a "poor you" situation. Your support would be greatly appreciated. It's already tough enough for me to say "no" to myself without having to tell others "no" numerous times as well. I have made a promise to myself and I intent to keep it. I know it's gonna be a long, bumpy road but I'm committed!

Dear Co-workers:
When using the washroom facilities could you please ensure the wet paper towel you dried your hands with makes it into the garbage can. The garbage can is quite big it shouldn't be that difficult. I really don't enjoy picking up your soggy germs.

Secondly, if you use the last of the toilet paper on the roll, could you, please, change the roll? Again, new rolls are kept right on top of the toilet tank, all you have to do is unwrap it and put it back in the dispenser. I assure you, it's really not that difficult of a task.

Thirdly, if you are distributing received faxed documents please take the time to read the "Attention To" portion and then deliver the fax to the correct recipient. If you are doing this you must also ensure that when the cover page states 8 pages were faxed, that all 8 pages are delivered to said recipient. If you don't want to do all that then leave the fax on the machine. Someone else who is more capable will do it. There's nothing worse than receiving pages 3, 4, 5 and 8 of an 8 page fax, not having a clue which file it belongs to, having to call the sender, explain that your office is actually run by Pygmy monkeys and that's the reason you've lost a portion of their document, only to find that by the time the document is re-faxed someone else has just wasted thirty minutes of their day trying to figure out why they have pages 1, 2, 6 and 7 of your fax and why it was attached to another 2 page fax for someone else.

Finally: LAY OF THE GOD DAMNED PERFUME! I can't even breathe in a 15 square foot radius of you. I don't care which celebrity is promoting it, I don't care how much it cost, it is not enhancing your appearance and quite frankly you smell like SHIT. I don't think it's fair that I have to deal with a migraine because you want to smell like Britney Spears.

2010-08-17T08:20:00.004-06:00

It's been a month an half since my last post and what am I going to post after all that time? I'm going to bitch and rant and complain!

I took a week off work to piddle around the house, etc, etc. today is my second day back at work and I'm real frustrated. Why? Because for another two days there are still two girls at the front desk, yet everything that comes back across my desk has some kind of an error on it. Is it really so hard to poof read? Would it be so hard to get the printer working so I can put my e-mails in my files? Could you attend to the red blinking light on the fax machine so I can receive the final paperwork for a deadline?

I could do it all myself and usually I do because of these exact things. But why? Why do I have to do three people's jobs on top of my own?

Also, could Tim Horton's put sugar in my tea when that's what I ordered?

Why I Love China

2010-07-10T18:28:00.005-06:00

The other day I bought a little mini fan for my desk at work. I just happened upon the instructions one morning while eating my cereal. I never read instructions, but you know sometimes you're bored of reading the back of the cereal box. Now having a degree in English I find the second set of instructions/warnings quite humourous.

The first item I highlighted for your reading enjoyment just makes me laugh. You know there was some poor sook who actually tried numerous times to jam the big end of the cord into the little end of the outlet. And then when that didn't work he/she probly cut the big end off and shove the plug in electrocuting him/herself. As a society, just how much do you need to dumb things down? (Hopefully you can click on the instructions to big them up.)

Just so many errors...

There is nothing better than...

2010-07-06T17:17:00.005-06:00

I'm going on day eleven of 10-12 hour days at my office. We were hit with a few bad storms and we've been swamped ever since. Pun intended. We've had rain EVERY day for what seems like an eternity. I think Mother Nature forgot we're on the prairies, we're supposed to have hot, dry summers, not monsoons. Anyway, on my way home for lunch the other day I realized summer is only here for a few short months and I better re-adjust my attitude and enjoy it while it's here, even if I am working until 8pm every night. I started thinking about a few of my favourite things about summer:

There's nothing better than...

... a freshly cut lawn, not really the smell, just the neatness of it when it's done (if I had time I would cut my grass every single day to have that look all the time!)

... a bright new Gazania bloom to greet me when I walk up to my front door

... the sound of cold beer being opened (can or bottle) and then the first crisp sip

... my puppies whining with excitement to see me

... the first bite of dessert, doesn't matter what it is, chocolate cake or creme brulee, the first bite is always the best

Shelby the Magnificent

2010-06-21T20:43:00.003-06:00

My little bee-bee is getting bigger everyday. She still has a few clumsy moments but settling into her own quite nicely. And listening a lot better too! Still chewing items she shouldn't be no matter how may toys and bones she has, but I guess you can't win 'em all.

Here Shelby is patiently waiting for Jetta to finish eating. Not so that they can play, so Shelby can snipe any leftovers. Little porker! They've had a few incidents where Jetta refuses to share and makes sure Shelby knows.

Mostly they get along though, here they snuggle...

This one we call "Radar", that's how you know she's really listening. Her big ears kinda flop back like she's tuning in Tokyo.

Right now we have about an eight or nine foot pile of branches in our backyard, we just pruned a bunch of trees. J and I were sitting outside enjoying the evening when all of a sudden we look up and there's Shelby playing Queen of the Castle. I have no idea how she got up there, but she was quite content. Jetta sat down below and barked at her.

This one is my favourite! We were at my parent's house, they have a dug out in the back of the yard. Shelby has taken to swimming! And loves it! We throw balls and she goes and gets them over and over and over. Jetta however is not a swimmer and again stands on the sidelines and barks. So cute to see two very different personalities. Even better when we bring them home and they sleep for two days!

6 on the 6th of the 6th at 6pm

2010-06-06T18:00:00.000-06:00

When I think of that town will I forever think about you and wonder where you ended up? Or will that memory of you fade with time? It's been fourteen years. I'm sorry that when I was 16 I didn't understand, I just wasn't where you were. I hope you married that girl Robin and lived happily ever after.
You frustrate me because you come across as a very negative person. You always try to one up the other person in a conversation. You appear to be stupid. I don't deal well with stupidity. How can you be 50 years old, divorced and not have a thing to your name? How does that happen?
Every time I drive by North Park I still think of you. You were very adamant about making it the best kept park in the city. I think of how you blow dried your hair and then used mousse, gel AND hairspray to get it to look just right. So strange for a guy. I sometimes think we understood each other better and would have made a better couple than your friend whom I was dating. I hope you ended up in a nice corner office like you always wanted. I miss those conversations about great guitarists...
For a long time I thought your last name was your first name. When I learned your first name it disappointed me. You rubbed me the wrong way right from the start. I think you were used to pushing your friends around, but I wouldn't let you do the same to me. You were a "dancer". A ballet dancer. What a joke! I still get angry when I think of how you called me out at a bowling alley of all places. Your friend, my boyfriend at the time, just stood there.
I dream of being like you. I don't know where you came from, but you were put in my path and I am so glad for it. You motivate me like no other. When you're around I feel like I can do anything. And I will. I will achieve my goals with your help. I'd like to get to know you better, be more of a friend with you than a business relationship. Sometimes you intimidate me, I feel I may come across as immature to you.
Sometimes I feel I think of you more than I should. I don't know if that's good or bad. I still don't understand. I don't think I ever will. I just hope you let someone in to help you, like I tried to do. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for all those late night phone calls and unclear thoughts. Thank you for walking away so I could see what was right in front of me the whole time.

Mr. Golden Sun

2010-06-04T11:45:00.002-06:00

Mr. Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me.

Questions

2010-06-02T13:22:00.002-06:00

Can you tell me why they busiest guy in the office is allowed to hee haw around out of the office doing things for an extra curricular club without a word being said by management? Why isn't he made to stay in and catch up on about four months worth of paper work? Why am I required to be helping him?

Can you tell me why we have two girls up at the front reception desk yet I still can't get a letter typed without errors? I don't really know why I bother sending you an e-mail with instructions with what I want, it's not read anyway.

Can you tell me why people feel the need to stand behind me and either read what I'm writing, whether it be here or in an e-mail, then comment on it like it's their business or something? Or just stand there because they need to talk to me but they don't want to interrupt me because I appear to be busy? I'm usually always busy, if you need me just ask, otherwise I'll ignore you all day, I don't care if you stand there for three hours waiting.

Further to my ADD...

2010-06-02T10:21:00.001-06:00

Psst! You guys! I'm reading a book! Do you know how long it's been since I read an entire book? Besides a cook book? I think it was the last book in the Harry Potter series. I don't know why I dislike reading so much. Still. There used to be this issue ever since getting my English degree, but come on, in two days, it will be seven years since I convocated! Move on! I'm hoping maybe there was a seven year curse there and by next week my love of reading will return. ?? Hey you gotta give me credit for maintaining my imagination.

Since the end of January I've started three books: Anger Management for Dummies (yeah, maybe we will discuss the reason for that in another post...), a book about finding your career passion, I can't remember the title, my mom wanted me to read it. She's all about the self help books for me these days. I guess I have a few issues to deal with. Don't we all. And the last book I started is Debt-Free Forever (Gail Vaz-Oxlade).

I fully intend to finish these three books. This year. It's a personal goal. I even started a journal for them, while reading, I make notes of things that strike me that I think I should remember and refer back to. Maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to buy a new journal. I have a kind of obsession with paper... Maybe it's because I'm being told to read these books, it's a chore or obligtion, not my own choice. Whatever the case is I'm going get over this hurdle and just do it.

Debt-Free Forever was my choice. I wanted it, my mom tried to talk me out of it. She said it was a waste of money and that I already knew what I had to do to pay down the debt, I just had to do it. And to some extent she's right. But as soon as she told me I didn't need the book, I needed it more. I guess I just wanted confirmation that what I am doing with my money is right. So I bought it and I'm already 119 pages in. It's pretty good, kind of like a workbook, you need to do this, and this and don't do that. Basically I just wanted to hear that debt repayment is a real bitch but I'm doing a good job.

I'll let you know how that all works!

I Passed!!!

2010-05-28T13:01:00.002-06:00

I know you were dying to know... I passed my re-write, I got my marks back a few weeks ago - forgot about it there for a second. Sorry to keep you all in such suspense. Ha ha, because you care! All this good luck must have worked!

Restless

2010-05-26T10:40:00.005-06:00

I think I've got Adult ADD. Seriously. Last weekend was the long weekend, we didn't have any plans to go anywhere. Perfect opportunity to catch up on a few things, maybe get some yard work, etc. done. In my head I had 3.189 thousand things I wanted to do. I'd start one and a third of the way through I didn't want to do what I was doing any more. So I'd move on to the next thing. Nope, I don't want to do this either. Just restless. Then it started to rain so J and I quit our yard work activities and went to a greenhouse.

Well the poor guy was in charge of pushing the cart. I was in one aisle, too many people there, next aisle, no I don't like the things there, Ooo roses! Those are....wait, what is that? That's nice. I can only imagine how many times he rolled his eyes and shook his head at me. And then I was overwhelmed with the decisions and knowing I really didn't have the extra cash to be buying all these beautiful things and then meltdown. In the middle of the store. Good. Real good. Crying like a seven year old in the middle of a greenhouse.

(Even while writing this post I don't feel as though I can get one clear thought out. I'm bouncing all over the place. I just saved this post and started working on another one.)

I make it through the checkout and we get home. I think I might play Ratchet and Clank. Well fifteen minutes in I decide the laundry needs to be done and the ironing. I don't want to do either. The patio chair needs to be fixed. Ew. My office needs to be cleaned, where do you even start? Dishes? Vacuuming? Walk the dog? No no no no no. Nothing. I need drugs.

2010-05-14T09:44:00.003-06:00

Dear Universe:

Thank you for the nice weather the past couple of days. I have finally been able to get into my yard and do a few things. Also I have seen the buds on the trees come out and that makes me incredibly happy. You have no idea.

Yours truly,
Suzi Q

2010-05-05T12:56:00.003-06:00

My Dear Little Shelby,

Sigh. What am I going to do with you? I'm trying to stay calm and remember that you are still just little and you have a lot of learning to do.

You're just about six months old now, and in every book I've read and everyone I've talked to says this is the "teenage years" phase. You're testing limits and trying to establish yourself in our pack. Let me tell you now, you're at the bottom! But you'll have to learn that for yourself I guess. It seems you have forgotten everything you've learned so far. I'm told that this will pass and everything will come back to you. I guess I'll just have to buy shares in a vineyard and drink until you're smart again.

Puppy classes were going well until last week. You're just decided that you were going to do what you wanted and that was that. Not even the chipper trainer with her super stinky "dog crack" treats could make you do what she asked.

So far you haven't ruined anything in the house - we keep a very close eye on you, but you get into everything. You like my stinky socks and dirty Kleenexes, you want to lick anything that has or had food on it, you fight with your sister over raw hides and toys, you insist on peeing on the floor - every twenty minutes, even though you were just outside and did your business there, and you've taken to climbing up on the counter to investigate smells there. You're now on a leash tied to me at all times when you're in the house, it's the only way I know you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. You constantly try my patience with your "bad girl" behaviours. I'm told that I am to ignore you when you misbehave. No touching and no eye contact is supposed to be the best way for you to get the hint that what you are doing is not acceptable. I'm trying. Really hard.

Today you had some new surprises for me. You dug a few holes in the middle of the yard, you did your business in the wrong spot, and you chewed the end off the hose. Again. The first time you chewed the nozzle off, I hope it sprayed you in the face. We made repairs and carried on. Today I found you chewed the hose right off the tap. Good lord puppy, there are ten toys in the backyard we bought just for you, why do you want to wreck all my stuff? Then I noticed the bottom of my brand new patio chair had been shredded. What gives? I don't even know when you had time to do this?!

You just look up at me with your innocent face not understanding what you've done. I hold back the profanity and try to distract you with a more acceptable activity. I guess it's just stuff and you don't really know any better. One day I'm hoping you'll get it otherwise I'm gonna have a new pair of really soft slippers...

Hoisin Pork Roast

2010-05-05T08:51:00.005-06:00

This is a recipe I've been meaning to try for some time. It comes from Rachael Ray, I saw it in her magazine a while back. I'm a bit skeptical of her recipes, sometimes they turn out really good and sometimes there's just one ingredient that is way off base. So I usually have a back-up plan in case I end up with a flop.

Monday night I made my sauce and got the slow cooker ready and put it all in the fridge. I enjoy slow cooker recipes for the fact that when I come home fom work supper is made. Just add a potato or rice and a salad. Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezy.

I walked in the door last night and there was an amazing smell wafting through the house.

I had plans to go to the gym for 6pm, so I left strict instructions for J not to eat everything, I wanted to taste it when I got home. He said he had to chain himself to the couch until I got home so he could have seconds, otherwise he was going to eat it all.

The sauce was so rich with flavour! Every bite I took I liked it more! I added extra chili paste cuz we like it hot. It was great - I think the sauce would be real nice on a grilled chicken breast too!

Next time I make this I would definately double the chili paste again, and I think I would leave out half of the corn starch, the sauce was quite thick. The Hoisin Sauce is thick enough on it's own, depending on how you like your sauce, you may be able to leave it out entirely.

So here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
Cooking spray
1 boneless pork loin roast (about 3 pounds), tied
One 10-ounce jar duck sauce or hoisin sauce (about 3/4 cup)
3 cloves garlic, smashed and peeled
2 tablespoons grated fresh ginger
1 tablespoon chili paste
1 tablespoon rice wine or rice wine vinegar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 teaspoons dark sesame oil
4 teaspoons cornstarch
2 scallions, white and light green parts only, thinly sliced on the diagonal
1/3 cup chopped cilantro

Directions:
Spray the slow cooker with cooking spray and add the pork roast. In a small bowl, combine the duck sauce, garlic, ginger, chili paste, rice wine, soy sauce and sesame oil. Whisk in the cornstarch. Pour the sauce over the pork.

Cover the slow cooker and cook the roast until fork-tender and an instant-read thermometer registers 160°, 3 1/2 hours on high heat or 8 hours on low heat. Transfer the pork to a platter, cover with foil and let stand for 10 minutes. Pour the cooking liquid into a bowl and let stand for 10 minutes, then skim any fat from the surface.

Slice the pork and arrange on a platter. Sprinkle the scallions and cilantro on top. Serve the Asian sauce on the side.

Some Heavy Thoughts on a Tuesday

2010-05-04T09:00:00.000-06:00

A Monologue: Philosophy & Children

What if one day I want kids? After all these years when I've firmly denied that I will never have children, will people judge me?

Am I supposed to have children because that's what is expected of me? As a woman it appears society demands motherhood from me. Am I responsible to give my mother grandchildren? I know it would make her happy. As an only child there is a lot of pressure on me to make her happy. There's no one else to fulfill those dreams.

A child is a huge responsibility. I know I can't just have a child to make someone else happy. It has to make me happy. It's not like a piece of furniture, or a car, it's a human life.

What if I choose not to have children, when I grow old will I be lonely? I can't help but to look to the future and fear that my parents will be gone, and due to the age difference between JRK and I, he may also be gone and I will be all alone. If I don't have children I won't have any grandchildren. Who will come to visit me when I'm in a nursing home?

Is it selfish of me to not want to share my life with a child? I like things the way they are, I don't want the balance to be upset by a screaming, snotty nosed brat. I like doing what I want when I want. I don't want the responsibility of being tied down. Or is it selfish to think you are so magnificent you must create another life after yourself? You hold in your hand the power to mold a mind the way you see fit? For good of for evil.

There are already so many children who have been abandoned, either by choice or by accident. Why couldn't I make a life for one of those children? Rescue a soul, like I have with my dogs. Would I be judged that I chose another needy child over having my own? Would people think that I chose that path only because I was unable to bear my own? That isn't the truth but is that what others would think?

Recurring Coinsidence

2010-04-30T13:01:00.002-06:00

Dear lady who drives the red Honda Fit,

Somehow, and I don't really understand how, you and I cross paths almost everyday right around noon. As I leave my office to go home for lunch, I seem end up right behind you. Everyday you travel North on Cumberland Avenue, make a right onto 14th Street and then a left at Preston Avenue. It doesn't matter if I'm five minutes early, five minutes late, ten minutes late or right at noon, I end up behind you. And it's not even than I can see you a few cars ahead, I end up right behind you. And I know it's you because I have your licence plate memorized. I've had a lot of time to memorize while I'm driving so slowly behind you.

Everyday it's the same thing. You drive 30km/hour in a 50km/hour zone, I rage out and tailgate. Is there a reason that you have to drive so slow? I'd probably still be frustrated if you did the speed limit but at least then I could have some justification. What are you doing that co-incides with my schedule so exactly? Maybe you could wait a few minutes and just pull in behind me. Then you could go as slow as you want. Or do you think you could change your route so I can get home to let my puppy out in a timely fashion?

Today was the same, I pulled out of my work parking lot and up to the lights. There you were ahead of me again. And I said, "Uh uh, no, not today. We are not doing this today." At the lights at Cumberland and Garrison/12th Street I made a quick right turn and detoured to 14th to get ahead of you. I made it! I beat you red Honda Fit lady!

Unsolicited Product Review

2010-04-26T14:51:00.003-06:00

I found this at the drug store the other day. I think I was actually looking for a liquid foundation and I ended up with this - not a foundation, a concealer but is it ever AMAZING!

It is exactly a mousse - if it were a darker brown I would be tempted to lick it.

You can go here to find out all the specific details. I just use a tiny dab under my eyes and I'm almost transformed into a super model! I'm going back to the store now to see what else they have in this line!

Letter to the Public

2010-04-20T10:03:00.003-06:00

So we had a wind storm and you've got some damage to your house. I'm real sorry about that. You're not alone, approximately 500 people are in the same boat. First of all you're going to have to be patient. You can't throw a temper tantrum like a five year old, I'm sorry if you haven't learned that yet, but it's not going to get you any further.

Secondly, it's your house, your home, your castle. You bought it, with your own hard earned money. So why as soon as you have an insurance claim do you lose your mind and throw up your hands and not do a damn thing about it? A good rule of thumb is to document everything, take a couple of photos and then proceed as if you didn't have insurance. Make temporary repairs and then wait. Please refer to point number one.

Thirdly, could you try not to be so stupid. Please. Just try a little. Thanks.

Four: Could you think about what is actually coming out of your mouth. Just take a second or two to formulate your thoughts, and then, when you're sure, express them to me. You weren't going to be home today so our adjuster was going to assess the damage without you and leave the report. You were okay with that. Now you are going to be home, great! we'll see you when we get there. No we cannot re-arrange our ENTIRE day around you. Please refer to point number one, we have 500 other people who also need to be seen. And if you are being difficult I will move you to the bottom of the pile. That's about all the authority I have, so there!

Five: To the people I work with, especially new employees: It's storm season. It sucks, I know, I've done this for the past eight summers. Get used to is because it's not going to get any easier until September. If you don't like it you might as well put your notice in now. If you're going to stay, you're going to have to keep up with the work load, things run much smoother if we all work together as a team. There is no "I" in team, I'm sorry if you haven't learned this yet. This means sometimes, in your already short seven hour day, you may not get your coffee break. Get over it.

Sleeping Beauty

2010-04-08T13:00:00.000-06:00

Look at my little beebee all tired out from pooping on the floor, overturning and chewing on her water bowl, destroying tv remotes and barking all day.

How cute with her little pink tongue hanging out!

Do Over

2010-04-07T09:44:00.004-06:00

Remember when I pulled off this Epic Fail? Well today I attempt the re-write.

Yeah I've read the book a couple more times now and it seems to make more sense to me, but I don't think I can remember it all. I don't know why they don't just make it open book, it's not like I need to have this shit memorized. If I ever need it in my every day life/job I'm gonna go back to the book and re-read it. So to say the least I still don't really care if I fail it again. It's not like I'm in for a huge promotion if I pass. And I've been through enough of these exam to know they're going to ask all the questions worth the most marks on a tiny paragraph I dismissed, so really, who gives a shit? What a great attitude hey?

None the less I've gathered these good luck symbols to help me out. I promised myself a new Cuisinart Waffle Iron if I passed... Wish me luck!

Oops, sorry don't know how that last one got in there! Hee hee! Now if someone told me Mr. Damon would be showing up at my door to reward me for passing, I may be a tad bit more motivated...

Schmuck Awesome

2010-04-06T08:24:00.005-06:00

Last night Stephanie Jasmin and I went to the gym (as usual) and we met with Her Awesomeness, Kelli, for our new program. Kelli figured since we had been working so hard it was time for a new routine. We had the first program down to a half hour, so now we have a three part hellish workout to follow. THREE PARTS! Upper body one day, lower body the next day and then cardio. Good Gawd is there cardio.

Speaking of cardio - while Kelli was going through the required exercises with us we were sprinting on the treadmill, get this, we do some press with our legs and some hamstring exercise on the stability ball (picture fat kid trying to manoeuvre gracefully on a stability ball...) and then we sprint on the treadmill for 5 minutes (well sprint 2, walk 1, sprint 2) and then we do some step ups and side crunches or something and then we sprint on the treadmill - it repeats for like an HOUR! We're going to die. Anyway, we're on the treadmill and my machine feels rickety and unstable so I'm hanging on for dear life. Kelli's pissed b/c I'm holding on and I'm all like if I don't hang on I'm going to be shot so far off this thing I'm gonna end up with tread burn on my forehead. And then we blew the breaker. Both treadmills shut down. Kelli laughed so hard I'm sure she didn't need to do her ab workout after we left. We got off and moved on to the next exercise. Brutal.

And then there was the wardrobe malfunction. Not as good as Janet Jackson, but our April t-shirts never made it out of the gym. Every month Steph and I have come up with matching t-shirt ideas for our workouts with Kelli. Kelli just shakes her head at us. I think the people who work at the gym think we're crazy. I don't care, it's fun to me! It's already a disaster having a fat kid try to do things people half my size have invented. Combine my huge lack of coordination, the buckets of sweat that pour out and a bright red face, what's a silly t-shirt on top of that?

History of the shirts: there were the bright pink "Team Kelli" shirts for February, March was St. Patrick's Day themed dark green shirts with I "Shamrock" Kelli (instead of I "Heart" Kelli) and Kelly "Shamrocks" (2 four-leaf clovers and an emphasis on ROCKS) and April was supposed to be a navy blue shirt but I had the wrong iron on transfers for dark shirts so we switched to white shirts and had a list of things we hated: Stepper, Elliptical, Mountain Climbs and Burpees with a huge red "x" through them. Well I didn't think about the black sports bra I had to wear underneath so I put a tank top on and then the t-shirt. I don't know if it was just 500 degrees in the gym or of the iron on transfer prevented the shirt from breathing but we were so hot, Steph's "x" bled all over the front of her shirt, I had to strip down while sprinting on the treadmill and went home soaked from head to toe because of the lack of air flow. So now we've got to come up with a new slogan for April.

Finally I'd like to mention my discovery of Aleve. New to Canada last summer without a prescription. Maybe they should rethink that for the safety of people like me. The main active ingredient is Naproxen, apparently has similar properties to Ibuprofen? Well I took a couple Aleve yesterday afternoon cuz I wasn't feeling up to par, got a bit of a sore throat and a stuffy nose and I didn't want to blow it when we met Kelli. Well I don't know what happened but last night I was a machine! Rip rarin' to go! Maybe just a good day. Maybe it was the Aleve!

Quote of the Day

2010-04-05T08:41:00.000-06:00

Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest.
~ Shakespeare (King Lear, I, iv)

2010-03-29T08:17:00.007-06:00

It appears that everyone is doing updates bullet style lately so I might as well follow suit.

I've really been feeling like Grumpy the Care Bear lately, like there's a great big rain cloud over my head and I can't shake it. However it was light outside until almost 8pm last night and it was light outside this morning when I woke up, that seems to be helping.

I'm so ready for spring and green grass!

A variety of things have been going on lately:

Having two dogs in the house is complete chaos. I am getting used to the change though. Vacuuming twice or sometimes three times a week is a new standard. Jetta has black hair and is shedding like crazy now since it's getting warmer. Then there's a lot of in and out with house breaking Shelby (the little one) and the back yard is just a mud pit, so there's dirt EVERYWHERE.
We went to our first puppy obedience class with Shelby on Saturday. At first she barked at every other dog that came into the store. I thought we were going to be those people, but she got it out of her system and then proceeded to sleep through most of the class. There were two other dogs in the class, a Jack Russel Terrier that whined the entire hour and a Boston Terrier Pug cross? You know the ones with the bugged out eyes that look they look that way because they've been kicked in the ass real hard? It annoyed me that we were the only ones who bothered to read the "What to Bring" list on the back of the registration form. We were supposed to bring records of vaccinations, the registration sheet, nylon leash, and treats. I'm surprised the other two people even remembered to bring their dogs!
I had my car in to be painted, some ignoramus keyed the one side, so I was getting that fixed. It took a week, so I got to drive a real nice tin can, however I'm not complaining as they didn't charge me for the loaner, I just had to make sure to bring it back with the same amount of fuel as it had when I left. The guy that made the repairs is a friend of J's. Well on the weekend I noticed there was a weird clunk to the back door when I closed it. Appears they may have left a wrench in the door panel. Thanks. Now I'm going back there to have that rectified. Why is it always two trips when I get something done?
We bought a new BBQ and two chair/coffee table bistro set for the patio! J wanted a Weber BBQ worth $1500. We found a Cuisinart BBQ at Canadian Tire for $450. Cuisinart is my favourite kitchen appliance brand. So I reasoned with him, the Weber is like an Audi, I'd love to drive an Audi. The Cuisinart is more like my Honda, we can afford it. And I'm the one that will be cooking on it so why can't I get what I like and what we can afford. I should really post a pic of what we were using before, a 1980 Sunbeam. Anything is a step up from that! So I'm excite for a summer of grilling on my new unit and relaxing on my new patio set!
The workouts have been super! We still meet with Kelly once a week and in between we try to go to the gym another two or three times. In May we'll be doing Boot Camp 3x a week! I used to hear those people who started working out say that once you start you kind of get addicted to it. And I was all like, yeah, you're a crack head there's no way I could get addicted to that. Are you kidding me? I'm addicted to chocolate cupcakes and tv. But now I'm eating crow. I'm still addicted to chocolate cupcakes and I really enjoy the look on Kelly's face when you tell her you ate a WHOLE one, but when we're done our workouts and you're a disasterous, sweaty mess I feel like I could conquer the world!

Just when you need it the most...

2010-03-26T10:58:00.003-06:00

My auntie and cousin stopped by my work today just to say hello. You have no idea how much I appreciated it. They happened to be in the area and brought me a coffee and a muffin!

Just when I needed it the most. This past week has really got me down. I'm contemplating a change of jobs, I don't know how much more of these office politics I can take. Some people are subject to some rules and others are not. I can't work in an office where there people don't work as a team. I can't work in an office where concerns are just ignored and not addressed.

Maybe it's just the weather, I don't know. But it was a tough week and when my auntie and cousin came in those two smiling faces really made my day. Thanks ladies!

2010-03-25T10:19:00.002-06:00

Do you feel sorry for the crusty, bitter old man who hates life and seems to make things as miserable and difficult as he can for others around him?

Or do you feel sorry for the young girl who tries her best to get it right but sometimes gets distracted and carried away with visiting and having fun and then gets yelled at by the old man for a simple mistake?

Friday Funny

2010-03-19T08:54:00.000-06:00

A Solution!

2010-03-17T10:19:00.002-06:00

Upon venting my issue this morning, the lovely Diva has come up with a bulletin for my staff!
Priceless! I wish I could post this in my office on a huge poster board.

Dear Staff:

When printing a PDF there are ten VERY IMPORTANT rules to follow – to avoid terrible things, like system failures and the dreaded Blue Screen of Death.

1. Open PDF

2. Once your file is open, take a few minutes to congratulate yourself on getting this far. Good for you!

3. The VERY top of the PDF, just below the red PDF icon is a small word called: "File"

4. Using your mouse (not an actual mouse, just a small plastic device attached to your computer with a cord. If you cannot find it, raise your arm and sit quietly, someone will come and assist you), align the arrow so that it is floating over the word file. If you’re doing this correctly, the space surrounding the word file will magically turn dark blue. Do not be afraid, the wizard who lives in your computer is just doing his job.

5. With your right index finger, click the LEFT button on your mouse. If you are left handed, you are clearly possessed and should seek a young priest and and old priest and prepare for your exorcism.

6. When you’ve clicked on the word "File" something WONDROUS and AMAZING will happen!! A box will ‘drop down’ giving you more options! They should really think of some kind of clever name for that, like… box that magically appears, or drop down box.

7. Now that you’ve gotten this far, I think it’s time for a much needed walk around the office to show off your prowess as a computer genius… go ahead, I’ll wait.

8. Okay! You’re back. Now that your colleagues are aware how awesome you are, lets continue. Using your mouse on the Box that Magically appeared, align the arrow so it is directly over the word "PRINT". If you have done this successfully, the space around the word will turn blue. (That’s that wizard, again, doing his job. Good old Morlak.) click the blue word "print".

9. TAH DAH!! You’ve made it to the final round and you thought you couldn’t do it!! Okay!! Here’s the easy part – IGNORE EVERYTHING on the little box that pops up, and align your arrow over the word on the bottom right that says: "OK"

10. Congratulations, you’ve just sent your PDF file to print!! If you do not know where your printer is, again – raise your arm and sit quietly, someone will be there shortly to assist you.

Sincerely,
The Fabulous and Talented, Tech Savvy, Diva!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

2010-03-17T09:45:00.003-06:00

Irish I Were Drunk... I just had two days off work, so a four day weekend. I needed to adjust my attitude regarding my job. Every day I come here and I am angry. I'm angry all day long. And I don't want to me, it doesn't feel good.

Why am I so angry? For the most part I don't really mind what I do, it's just that most of the people I work with just don't understand how to use their computers. For the last ten years I've continually explained how things worked, showed them how to do their everyday tasks, sometimes even done things for them. Nothing works. They just don't get it. And it's frustrating because it's always stupid shit like, "How do I print this pdf?" Seriously? Oh. Seriously. And it's real hard for me to dumb it down for them sometimes.

Not all of it is their fault, we have an archaic computer system, all based in our head office. So we don't have a lot of control, and sometimes the techie geeks in Manitoba can't even figure out the gliches. For me, I've figured out the limitations and sometimes how to bypass them, it just comes to me and it's hard for me to understand why others just can't get it!

Today's example: we often have trouble printing pdf files. If they're large files (like more than five pages, I know, not really a large file, but we're just one step above hammer and chisel okay?) the data usually gets lost from the time you click print to the time it gets to the printer, slow network, slow server, whatever. It's a stupid system and not a real good way to run an office, but that's what head office has given us. So I've told everyone if you have a large pdf file or something with a lot of photos, e-mail it to our stand alone computer and print it there. Much easier, less headaches, no jammed up printer.

It took a little while to explain what a pdf file was first, and then how to print. Today we learned how to print again. For the nine hundred and fourteenth time. Sigh.

Why does it continue?

2010-03-02T09:34:00.003-06:00

And why do I let it bother me?

On occasion there is a certain contractor our company uses on a regular basis, who will bring in the biggest, freshest, most delicious cinnamon buns, usually hot from whatever bakery he goes to. It's a special treat. And what makes it special is the contractor himself, he's a really great, salt of the earth guy, and that it is only once in a while.

What happens is, other contractors we use get wind of this and they all decide they should do something like that too. Except they don't have any creativity and we usually end up with a dozen sickly frosted donuts from Tim Horton's. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture, but Tim's is right across the street from our office, don't you think we're sick of those effing donuts? And then, if every other day we're getting something it's just not a special treat anymore and half the time those donuts sit there and get stale.

Today what is really irking me is a contractor from the same company (different division) as the guy who usually brings the cinnamon buns brought cinnamon buns again today. We just had them last week. And it's just not the same when this guy does it, I mean I'm totally going to have one of those mouth watering cinnamon buns, but this guy screws up a lot of jobs, and he's a real knob, you can't hardly even have a conversation with him. And just because you bring me treats doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you for your messes.

There has been a number of occasions where I have asked this particular contractor for an estimate to replace a door for a break and enter claim. I never get the estimate, and then all of a sudden an invoice comes in for $8000! He's all like, well this happened, and then we had to do this and then and then and then. NO AND THEN! It's just a door. If there are extra's I expect a phone call. Keep me in the loop! I have to justify every invoice I pay and you are going to have to do a helluva lot of talking for $8000!

After all that I start over thinking and then I feel I'm being taken advantage of because I'm not an adjuster that goes out to view the damages, I generally do smaller claims that don't need to be seen. I start thinking I'm being taken advantage of because I don't participate in all the "men" geared after work activities. I start thinking that I'm being taken advantage of because I'm a woman, AND THEN I get angry!

Monday Madness

2010-03-01T09:54:00.002-06:00

I get to work this morning and Joe Blow who's been on holiday's for the past week, and expected back today, is sick. Well ain't that convenient! So all those people I told all last week that he'd be back in today will all be calling back and I'll have to explain, again, that I'm sorry he's not in. Wonder-effing-ful!

And then, Jolene Slackoff who's been on sick leave for the past month and also due back in the office today is also, you guessed it, still sick. Thank you very much.

Why do I even bother coming in? I guess because I take pride in what I do? Ha! I don't even believe that anymore. I come to work to see how much slacking off I can really get away with. How much time can I waste today? Really, can I do less today than I did yesterday?

I come to work to get my paycheck so I can pay my personal trainer... she's so jacked...

New Blog To Note

2010-02-26T10:56:00.004-06:00

My cousin has started her very own blog for crafts, etc. We have a a few of the same strands of DNA so I'm sure you'll find a sarcastic sense of humour over there as well. I guarantee at least a few good laughs. I think she's also starting an Etsy site so be on the look out for some cool stuff - she's real creative like that!

This is the cousin I've been going to Boot Camp with, we have many great excursions together. Go check her out! Stephanie Jasmin

A Compliment

2010-02-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

So my small girl crush on Kelly is slowly growing. It's really quite ridiculous. I feel like I'm fourteen trying to get the cute boy on the bus to notice me. When we go to her gym I secretly hope she's there, I want to impress her. I try real hard to make her proud of us.

We did actually happen to run into her when we went to do our weight program, totally by accident, and she was so surprised and excited to see us. That was the best!

Anyway, what I really wanted to tell you about was a comment I received at Boot Camp last night. Last night was the last Boot Camp class until May, then Kelly will be running them outside. I can just image the tortures she'll dream up, so much more room for activities!

Steph and I were waiting to talk to Kelly about our next session and this bigger girl who I've seen at the classes before approaches me. She says, "I've really noticed an improvement with you guys (referring to Steph and I) I've been away for the last three weeks and I can really tell - you look really good." I was so uplifted. I haven't really noticed a difference. I mean it seems to be a bit easier, and I'm not as stiff as when I first started, but it's still damn hard. I feel like sometimes I do give up too easily, but we have really been trying hard at least for the past month.

I just didn't know what to say to this girl, I mean I said "Thank you, we've really been working hard," but I wanted to tell her how impressed I was with her! I don't know this girl from Eve, but I'll look over at her in the middle of class when I feel like I could puke or collapse and she's still pushing on. She may not do the exercise in the exact right position or she'll do a modified version because of her weight but she tries real hard. She is always moving, she never quits, even if she's the last one, she just does it. And I think to myself, if she can do, I can do it, I better get my ass up off this floor and move. I'm just so proud of her, and that was my moment to tell her, to make her feel like she had just made me feel. And I blew it. My fear of speaking to strangers took over and the words just wouldn't come out. I was so afraid I'd say something and she'd take it the wrong way.

I'm thinking about maybe finding out her address and sending her a card or something, or having Kelly pass it on to her...

Baby Shelby

2010-02-21T15:19:00.003-06:00

We've had you now for a little over a week. You've been a chaotic joy. It's been a while since I've had to deal with all things puppy and I forgot how much trouble one little thing can be. Your cuteness certainly makes it a little easier.

You now have a name and you seem to be getting used to it. When we call you come bounding over trying to manage your over proportioned puppy paws. We chose Shelby as the Shelby Mustang GT is one of JRK's favourite cars, and since we already have a dog with a car themed name we thought we'd stick with it. Friends of ours commented that we just need a Japanese Fighting Fish named Mitsubishi and our collection would be complete!

We've had a lot if firsts this past week: the first time you met Jetta, your sister, she was really excited and she really wanted to play with you, but I think she was a bit overbearing and you got scared. You weren't shy in letting us all know either. You growled and barked your little bark. I was worried we might have made a mistake, maybe you wouldn't play well with others. But now you two play and tear around in great fun. Jetta's favourite game is "keep away" anything toy you have she takes and keeps it away. You run circles around her trying to get it back, under her legs and around the furniture. You bark and nip, all in fun, but so hilarious to watch.

You had your first bath, which you really didn't like.

You're a quick little one, a force to be reckoned with and you kept trying to climb out of the tub on me. Good thing your small and we got the job done quickly.

You had your first encounter with the vacuum. That was a curious sight, it made a lot of racket and you weren't really sure what to do. You wanted to chase it but you just weren't sure.

You had your first vet visit and all the girls in the clinic swooned over you. You really are a sweet heart. The vet told us you were in good health bu you weren't being fed enough. It's a rare occasion when a vet tells you to feed your dog more. My heat broke for you. You spent the first part of your life abandoned on an Indian Reserve scrounging for food. We wanted to make your life better, I didn't mean to starve you! I just read the instructions on the back of the bag and followed what it said. We've since doubled your meals and you're getting a ton of treats - you must think you've died and gone to heaven!

We tried leaving you and Jetta alone together when we went to work but that was a disastrous idea. The second day you learned how to jump the baby gate. Actually you launched over it. Should have called you Houdini, it didn't mater where I penned you in you always escaped.

After that we tried putting you in the bathroom, it was the only room in the house that you couldn't get out of or do too much damage to. Well being all alone in the bathroom really pissed you off. You scratched at the door, you chewed on the door knob, your tore off the register cover, somehow you managed to get on the vanity. I didn't ever think you'd be able to get up there, but then I didn't think you'd launch over the baby gate either. You knocked the plant into the sink and the kleenex into the tub. I shouldn't forget that you did your business then ran around in it. I had to wash walls and floors from top to bottom that day. Twice.

And then we decided you would have to be crate trained. There was just no other way. And life since has been so much better. We have regular bathroom breaks and every time you go outside you cooperate and do your business. We've had a few accidents inside but I'll forgive you since you're just little. I hope one day you'll like your crate and you'll find it to be your safe little place. And in a little while when you're through chewing on my shoes and coffee table and you can tell me when you need to go outside then I'll think about giving you the run of the house like your sister has.

The other day a friend asked me if I loved you madly and at that point I wasn't really sure. I knew I didn't want to give you back but I wasn't sure if I was ready for all the chaos. Today I look at this photo of your little face and I know I do love you madly and I can't wait to see you grow into your new home!

Detox: Day 4

2010-02-16T10:14:00.003-06:00

The lightheadedness, minor stomach cramps and emergency bathroom trips have subsided. I WANT A PIECE OF FRICKIN' TOAST WITH A BRICK OF CHEESE AND A GALLON OF MILK!

Frick. I'll give up chocolate cake and sugar on my cereal and King Sized Whopper meals, I just want my bread and dairy back! Dry almonds and apples just don't cut it.

Lifestyle Change Part 2: Herbal Detox

2010-02-14T21:01:00.004-06:00

So in addition to getting a personal trainer and committing to a ~~regular~~ rigorous exercise program, I wanted to try a body cleanse.

I talked to a few people who had done them, read a bit about them on the Internet and decided I was going to try it out. I won't hurt to try right?

I knew there was no way in hell I was going to be able to do the Master Cleanse which consists of only drinking water, lemon juice, Cayenne pepper and maple syrup for a month, so I opted for the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox. (Here's a bit about it if you're interested.)

You're given a list of recommended foods to eat for a 12 day period. The list is mostly fruits and vegetables, and fish. Pork, chicken and beef, brown rice and baked potatoes are also acceptable, but no dairy, no sugar, no flour. In addition to the "diet" you are to take herbal supplements. 2 tablets from three different bottles (Cleansaherb, Laxaherb, Biliherb), and my favourite, 30 drops of a CL Herbal Extract. You do this twice a day. You can eat as much or as little as you want as long as it's of the recommended foods. This was crucial to me. I hate feeling like I'm being deprived of something.

Swallowing the pills is no big deal, they do have a real "grass" taste, but nothing like the Herbal Extract, that is like licking the South end of a North bound moose. Holy Jeezus, it smells sick, it tastes sick and it has a real sick after linger.

Today is day two, well technically day one an a half. I only took half a dose yesterday since we went on a road trip to pick up my new "fur baby". Today was the first full dose day. I felt okay, a little tired, and by about 4pm had a few minor stomach cramps. It was a little frustrating being Valentine's day and all not being able to have a huge piece of cake, but I stuck to the rules.

As soon as I typed that last paragraph I was interrupted with an emergency bathroom break, must be the Laxaherb kicking in...

In any case I think this is going to be quite do-able, I like most of the foods that are acceptable. I'm thinking only breakfasts will be tough, I can't have my usual toast with cheese and a glass of milk or a bowl of cereal. I did have some oatmeal with soy milk and blueberries today and the soy milk really wasn't too bad. But after these 12 days I'm sure not going to ditch my dairy. If nothing else I'll be forced to try a few new things.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T08:54:00.000-06:00

"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."

~ Anonymous

To My Baby Girl

2010-02-12T08:26:00.007-06:00

"I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life..." ~ Savage Garden

I haven't even met you yet and already I'm totally in love with you. The moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one. We were looking to make an addition to our family but we wanted to make sure it was the right time, all the others just didn't feel right.

I wanted to change a life and give new hope, you need exactly that. You were rescued from a home where there was no love. You weren't treated with kindness or respect.

I made the call and told them we were interested, the next day we were informed you had already been adopted. My heart was broken, you were the only one I wanted. There were others we had our names in for but they just didn't feel right. We were told there was a two week trial period and they would keep our names as next on the list in the event it didn't work out with your new family. I couldn't imagine there would be a problem, as far as I could see you were perfect. I had to accept that you were in another home and hope they would love you like you deserved.

Two days later we got a call, a child in your new family's home had an allergic reaction. You could be ours! It was meant to be!

Tomorrow we will come to get you and bring you to your new home. I can't wait to meet you little one!

Team Kelly

2010-02-10T10:36:00.000-06:00

Well, I went out and got myself a personal trainer. Doesn't that make me sound so very important? I fully expect to compete in the next Olympics...

Yeah right, the Special Olympics...

My cousin and I have committed to a program, designed for us by someone who actually knows what they're doing. I haven't been this excited about anything in a very long time.

Main Goal: ~~To not be Chubby Bunnies anymore.To be jacked like Kelly.~~ To become the Incredible Hulk!

Last night we met with Kelly at her gym. SHE. IS. AMAZING. She's ripped, she's jacked, she's motivating! She went through all the exercises we're supposed to do and showed us how to use all the machines. Each time she demonstrated the activity my small girl crush on her grew a little bit. I can't express to you how excited I am to get doing this.

We're going to meet with her once a week for the first bit, we have Boot Camp with her once a week and then we'll do our own thing (follow the program she gave us) one or two times a week. I'm expecting to feel as though someone has beat the shit out of me several times a week for the next few months. Today it hurts a little to type...

Before we agreed to do this we were joking with Kelly that we were going to have "team" shirts made up - in pink of course. Pink is Kelly's favourite colour, she's always got something pink on, shoes, bag, hat, jacket... We all laughed, and only Steph and I knew we were actually serious. We knew what we were getting into, we'd had first hand experience of what Kelly wants from us based on her classes. But Kelly has only seen the two of us in a big group of people, not one-on-one. She hasn't experienced the gong show we can be together, we blame it on genetics...

We got to the gym nervous as hell, ready to throw up just looking at all the skinny people who seemingly knew what they were doing, Kelly greeted us in her usual cheery self, "Are you ready for this?" she asked us.

I zipped down my jacket, and bared it all, "Are you ready for THIS?!" I countered, exposing my bright pink "Team Kelly" t-shirt.

She laughed and then she kicked our ass. And it was awesome!

Plink, Plunk, Plink

2010-02-02T08:48:00.003-06:00

I came to work this morning really trying to have a good attitude. I know I can only change and worry about me and my actions.

I had a great four day weekend in Calgary, a nice break. Visited with family, went shopping, saw an NHL game and relaxed.

I came to work this morning re-freshed and ready to start a new month. I really wanted to try hard to let it go. By "it" I mean all the office politics, and by "office politics" I mean the two people who don't play as team members and don't pul their weight around here. I don't want to be stressed out being here anymore.

Everything went to shit within the first three minutes I was here. The same girl that I needed a break from did everything that drives me crazy within the first three minutes after I sat down at my desk. Her floor heater was set on "Jet Take-off" mode and I mean when this thing fires up it sounds like an AK47 flying by, then her cell phone rang, a real nice Chinese sound, and she has it set to volume 2738.837. Then she had to send a text message, and she has the keys set to piano or something gawd awful, so all I hears is plunk, plink, plink, plink, plunk, plunk, plink, also at volume 2738.837.

It took all of my energy to not go into her cubicl and put my scissors through her cell phone screen. There is a vibrate and even a silent setting. USE IT!

And any bit of calm that I had achieved over the weekend was gone. I know I should just ignore it and concentrate on the things that I can change. But that's damn hard to do when the plink, plunk, plink is screaming at me through the cubicle walls.

Coq Au Vin

2010-01-25T10:20:00.005-06:00

I've been meaning to try this recipe for a while now, ever since my cousin who shall remain nameless (but who is now a vegan) said she had made it but changed all the ingredients so in fact she didn't' really make it at all. I had to laugh because this particular cousin has been known to be a little, shall we say, domestically challenged? Maybe she's gotten better over the years now that she's married, but I recall times where she wasn't allowed to come to birthday parties because she refused to do the dishes.

So you can see how I was intrigued and a little impressed that the words "coq au vin" and "I made it" came out of her mouth in once sentence. I was all like, well hell, if she can do it, I totally can.

Anyway since I am now the proud owner of this amazing cook book I was sure my Tyler would have the ultimate recipe for Coq au Vin. I was right - there's a huge full page picture of the dish right beside the recipe and I'm very excited to announce that my attempt turned out just like the picture and tasted as good as it looked. And it was fairly easy, the French just give everything a fancy name and make it sound hard. It's just chicken simmered in red wine, so don't be afraid just try it!

If you click here you should get a real nice photo of my new boyfriend and a picture of the dish with the recipe to follow.

Spam

2010-01-20T08:33:00.002-06:00

Look at this douche. This is the exact face I picture when I get a "spam comment". If that is not a perfect visual of an asshat I don't' know what is.

I've been having some trouble with spam lately. I've resorted to Comment Moderation on posts older than 14 days and that seems to have worked for the most part but these wonderful Anonymous commenters are creeping in to my new posts and it's driving me bonkers!

I've just added work verification back on my comments, sorry for the trouble, I'll remove it as soon as this problem goes away.

B.E.Earl, what ended up happening with your spammer?

Celebrity Dream #9?

2010-01-19T08:45:00.005-06:00

If you've been paying attention you will remember that I have had a few dreams about celebrities over the past few years. Last night I had another experience.

I was at some hockey rink somewhere, I have no idea where. There were some kind of races or skill contests for girls and boys. I don't know if I was there watching my nephews or just there. In any case the activities had all wrapped up and everyone had gathered near the front entrance, concession area for the awards ceremony.

I seem to be sitting on a bench, I don't know anyone around me. Some one comes to sit next to me, the seat beside me is one of the last open seats. I look over and it's Jerome Iginla dressed in a grey bunny hug. (Side note: Jerome Iginla is the captain of the Calgary Flames hockey team, a bunny hug is what we call a "hoody" or in other areas of the world it may be called a "kangaroo") Jerome flipping Iginla! Looking quite dashing if I might add.

We watch as the awards are given out to the fastest skater, the player with the most enthusiasm, etc. Jerome says to me, "I won a cereal eating contest once. Honeycombs are my favourite!" And he winks at me. (WTF?) By this time the awards have all been handed out and Jerome gets up to leave, in the distance I hear the MC announce Jerome's presence. Jerome waves to the crowd. As he leaves, I pat him on the back and say, "Good luck with your game tonight!" He says, "Thanks" and gives me the thumbs up.

Epic Fail: In More Ways Than One

2010-01-18T09:46:00.009-06:00

I just received my mark for the exam I was studying for before Christmas. "Failed" Well that's just great. I expected it, but there still was a tiny bit of hope that maybe I could squeak through with a "D". No such luck.

Well anyway I have to withdraw from the class I'm currently registered in as that exam is the same time as the re-write for this failed class.

Attempt #1: I called the Institute (in Toronto), I thought I pressed "1" for English but for the life of me could not understand the person on the other end of the line. He told me he didn't have a clue what I was talking about and I had to contact the local chapter.

Attempt #2: E-mail sent to the local chapter. Response: you have to call Toronto, they will be able to withdraw you and register you for the re-write.

Attempt #3: Phone call to Toronto. Pressed "1" for English and thankfully could understand the person on the other end. Was told to send her an e-mail stating what I wanted to do including my credit card number so the refund could be made.

E-mail sent. E-mail returned by my companies Internet security, apparently because I was including my credit card number, the e-mail was flagged, not sent, and returned. I was supposed to encrypt the e-mail, then send it. Fine, I can do that, but do you think Toronto is going to understand how to open it? Doubtful. And why is it such a big deal anyway, it's my own credit card, if someone intercepts the e-mail and charges it up, I don't really care. But thems the rules I guess.

So I send the e-mail from my personal Yahoo account. They don't care what I send. I could send bomb making instructions and plans for terrorist attacks... I can just imagine the flags that will pop up now when I publish this post...

E-mail from personal account returned, the e-mail address I was given does not exist. Blood pressure now increasing. Feelings of anger and frustration setting in.

What attempt am I at? 2785763,3898934 billion? Third phone call to Toronto. I spoke with a fabulous lady name Lindsey, she marked my file to withdraw me from the class and stated the system will automatically refund my credit card within 2-3 business days. Really? That easy? I don't believe it.

I was going to register for the re-write but I think that's just a bit too much for today...

2010-01-15T11:08:00.003-06:00

Things have been happening here and I've been so busy I couldn't even get here to tell you about it! I predict that 2010 will bring good things.

I'm really trying to let things go. Not everything is the huge deal that I make it out to be. I can';t stress out about the small stupid stuff. I don't have to have my house spic and span by 9:04am on Saturday mornings. It's okay if stuff is out and not immediately put back in it's spot. It's okay if the laundry isn't always done. It will still be there when I get back from doing other more fun things.

So in addition to trying to relax, I've stared a few new things this year and I'm loving them!

1. Curb Side Recycling. JRK and I have been arguing over this program for a while now and finally I just signed up. I decided I would just pay the bill and if he didn't want to participate I would just do it myself.

He doesn't believe that we should have to pay to recycle things. He thinks that if it's important enough to save the world by recycling, then government should provide grants. I agree, somewhat, if there were places around the city where I could take all of my recyclables I would do it myself, but there are certain things that can be recycled that there is no public place for - that I know of.

Tuesday was my first pick up. Monday night my bins were dropped off along with a four page letter stating what could be recycled and how it was to be sorted. I was running all over the house bringing up my piles of things I had been saving for recycling. It was so much fun! Newspapers here, plastic bags there, food glass, tin cans, cardboard, beverage containers. There was so much I could recycle!

To my surprise JRK said he would help me! So we cut down the cardboard to the right size and he rinsed out containers and said he'd even take it out to the street for me! I can't wait until my next pick-up to see what else I can find to recycle!

2. Boot Camp. My cousin and best friend are attending a Boot Camp class on Thursday nights. The same girl that did the Body Sculpt class is doing Boot Camp for the winter months. This girl is so AWESOME! She's ripped like heck and I dream about being like her. I may have a small girl crush on her... She's very motivating and always pushes you to do your best, even if you can't keep up she still tells you you are doing great. And she watches every single person to make sure you are doing the exercises correctly, if you're not she stops you and helps.

My cousin and I are considering doing a body cleanse and then paying this girl to kick our asses a few times a week. We even decided that maybe the ice cream cone ritual following our workouts may have to go by the wayside... Even though I really love a good cone...

3. Painting. We're painting our house. Well parts of it. I don't really LOVE painting so it's taking me a long time. It started in my spare room and then I did some touch-ups to the odd knick in the walls around the house - you know while I had the paint out... But the touch up paint didn't quite match the previous colour so I ended up having to paint full walls. I thought, well heck, if I have to paint full walls, I might as well pick a different colour. We have a creamy brownish colour throughout the house, I refer to it as Wendy's Froster colour. So I went a bit darker and I'm pretty happy with it! Along with that I decided I wanted new baseboard and trim, but I don't want anything anyone else already has. Yeah I know, I'm high maintenance. JRK volunteered to make me custom architraves, perks of being married to a carpenter!

I'm Coming Out, I Want The World To Know

2010-01-01T10:00:00.001-06:00

When I began this life of a blogger, just over two years ago, I decided I wanted to be anonymous. Try it out for a while, see how it was, stay under the radar. I thought a pseudonym was glamorous. I'm a person who is not shy to voice her opinions and sometimes I have a very strong opinion. I'm not always able to say what I mean delicately. I just put it all out there. Take it or leave it. I thought maybe it was safer to hide behind a "fake" identity. But not being able to blurt out who I actually was and take credit for a great post was really hard sometimes. And secrets never really stay secret for long. It's just too hard to keep two "identities" separate. I am who I am.

It started with my restaurant reviews. A few of the restaurants who liked my posts put my reviews up in their restaurants or contacted me and wanted to meet me. And then came the Etsy site. I can't fake my name on a Credit Card Statement. The strict legalities of it all got to be too confusing.

I weighed the option of deleting this blog in its entirety and quiting the blog world. That saddened me. I've made a lot of "friends" here and I didn't want to lose that. I enjoy the interaction. I use this forum as way to cope with the world, deal with difficult situations, share humours events, seek solutions and encouragement. I contemplated starting a new blog, but I wanted to keep Eat, Bitch & Whine, to me, that says it all. So in the end, I'm keeping it all, I'm acknowledging my triumphs and my mistakes and I'm moving forward.

Maybe part of the whole pseudonym thing was that I don't really know who I am. This year I will be turning 30. Holy shit. 30. I think in the last few years I've really come into my own. I'm gaining valuable life experience, funny how that happens. I feel like I'm fitting into my own self. I know that sounds funny. But I feel like I'm finally getting to know myself. I feel right in my own skin.

And so I'm starting over with a few things this 2010. There will be no more "Paige". Close friends and a few family members including my husband have always known about "Paige". They knew she was me. And they respected my needs to remain anonymous. "Paige" was more of a way to protect their identities. I think I will continue keep close friends and family nameless. But from now on I will be assuming my own name.

I think on a few occasions I have hid behind "Paige" as an identity. It wasn't my intention to slough my responsibilities and use her name as excuse, like an alter-ego. If you dig deep enough you can connect the dots. But sometimes Paige and I have conflicting consciences. She doesn't care, but I have to live with the consequences of my words.

I have never written anything I did not intend anyone to read. If I published it, I was meant to be shared. I will agree some things I have said maybe shouldn't have been published here, or at least, worded a little more sensitively. I am going to try to make sure that doesn't happen again. On the same token, I don't want to be censored. This is my forum. I'm going to say what I want to say. Take it or leave it. Most of the time I am stating the truth, as I see it. Sometimes the truth hurts. I'm sorry, that's the way the world works. If you don't agree with me, by all means share your opinion. I want conversations and comments. I want debates and differences of opinions. I want interaction. If I call you on your bullshit and I'm wrong I expect you to do the same call me on my bull shit.

All that being said...

Can we start over? Hi, I'm Susan. It's nice to meet all of you.

I'm Coming Out...

2009-12-31T12:00:00.000-06:00

Bear with me. Soon it will all make sense...

Christmas Review

2009-12-30T14:36:00.003-06:00

While not really a rip off, it seemed like just another day. I wasn't excited. There wasn't anything I was really looking forward to. There was too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Several people I have spoken with over the "holiday season" have agreed. It just didn't feel like Christmas this year. I don't know what was. A late fall? Studying for an exam? All around just too much horse shit? But yet now that it's all said and done, I'm not ready to take down my Christmas tree. Maybe because it was such a job to put it up I want get the most out of it.

I've decided that next year there are going to have to be some changes. I will not have another Christmas like this year.

1. I will buy a few gifts for a few special people and I will save them to be opened on Christmas morning. Usually I'm too excited and I have trouble waiting to give the gifts out. The Christmas tree looked depressing without gifts under it this year. I did not get the warm fuzzy feeling when the gift recipient opened their gift - I didn't buy any gifts this year. (However, I didn't over extend my budget either, so that's good - no extra debt to worry about in the new year.)

2. I am still sticking to non-consumerism. I refuse to buy a gift for the sake of buying a gift. If I can't find anything useful I'm not buying anything.

3. I don't think I need to participate in the family gift exchange anymore. I didn't participate this year for the first time in fifteen years and I don't feel like I missed out on much. Because I didn't participate I wasn't angered by the double teaming stunts that my older cousins usually pull. And I didn't end up with some horse shit gift.

4. I wish the gift that I would like to give in the family gift exchange wouldn't be scoffed at. I would like to give a box of home-made cards or a jar pickled asparagus or even a certificate that stated a child from a third world country had been sponsored in their name, but I know someone would look at that in a materialistic way and feel ripped off.

5. I will continue to make home-made gifts. They make me feel good making them and if given to those who appreciate your time and effort, it feels good to give them. I will no longer feel guilty about giving home-made gifts. They usually have more thought put into them than a gift purchased from a store. (Unless you actually have paid attention to conversations we have had and you unexpectedly give me a cook book written by a really hot chef (Tyler Florence) which I am still drooling over, then I feel like someone actually cared a little - thanks Cric, that was the highlight of my Christmas)

6. I encourage others, if they think they have to give me a gift, to give me a home-made gift. Either that or you must have put some thought into it. If you can't come up with anything then don't buy me anything. See number 2, I don't need a gift just for the sake of a gift.

7. I am going to start saying no. I am only one person. I cannot do everything for everyone. Nor should I feel like I have to.

8. I won't be taking anymore classes with exams at the beginning of December. It's just too much.

P.S. I had the most excellent Old Fashioned Plain donut this morning.

Date Night

2009-12-30T08:21:00.002-06:00

I went on a date last night. It was awesome!

The Diva and I went to see Jesus Christ Superstar last night. We're both kinda into that thing, musicals I mean, and it made more sense for the two of us to go together rather than make our respective significant others sit through the torture. Don't get me wrong JRK would go and he probably wouldn't mind it. He'd do it to make me happy and spend a night out together, but I'm sure he'd rather do something else and spend his $80 on something more manly.

So I picked up the lovely Diva at her home, promised her husband I would return her before she turned into a pumpkin and off we went! It was a pretty great show! I'm not going to review it, you all know what it's about, if you don't Google it. I don't know anything about the singing, it was good. And I liked it. That's all.

I'm sure the Diva will fill you in on all those details. She's the expert on the subject. Anyway, more importantly, she bought me a drink at intermission, I felt all shy and giddy, I wanted to hold her hand but I didn't know what she would think. Jeez, we sound like Slyde and Earl! : ) No, for real, we went for a bite to eat after the show, I really enjoyed that. Girls night out, having adult beverages, catching up on recent Christmas events, venting our frustrations. A thoroughly enjoyable evening.

Diva, maybe, do you think, if you wanted to... do this again sometime?

2009-12-24T08:41:00.002-06:00

Is there a pun there - duty - doodie? *giggle* Doodie. Nothing like a poo joke on Christmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Peppermint Meltaways

2009-12-16T10:30:00.004-06:00

Close your eyes. Imagine a soft, bite size, shortbread cookie. It has a creamy, melt-in-your-mouth texture. Now imagine a slight peppermint flavour within the cookie, followed by a smooth peppermint icing. Finally this little mound of delight is topped with crushed peppermint candy.

I would have a photo for you but I ate them all last night, all by myself!

Here's the recipe if you'd like to try a little piece of heaven:

1 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup cornstarch

FROSTING:
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1/4 teaspoon peppermint extract
2 to 3 drops red food coloring, optional
1/2 cup crushed peppermint candies

Directions
In a small bowl, cream butter and confectioners' sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in extract. Combine flour and cornstarch; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well.
Shape into 1-in. balls. Place 2 in. apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes or until bottoms are lightly browned. Remove to wire racks to cool.

In a small bowl, beat butter until fluffy. Add the confectioners’ sugar, milk, extract and food coloring if desired; beat until smooth. Spread over cooled cookies; sprinkle with crushed candies. Store in an airtight container.

Yield: 3-1/2 dozen.

They Come in 3s...

2009-12-15T10:18:00.002-06:00

Or more...

Over the past few days the universe has decided to dump on my head. Again.

While I was studying, I had at least three mishaps in the kitchen: I was making a potato/leek soup which needed to be blended. I don't have an immersion blender so I poured my soup into my regular blender, a bit at a time. Now I've done this before and it's worked fine. This time I was in a rush and forgot to loosen the top of the lid so the heat could get out. You can imagine the mess I had. The soup exploded EVERYWHERE. I just stood there covered from head to toe in soup, not a word of a lie, and cried. I just wanted to get supper on the table so I could go and study.

Prior to the soup mishap I was making apple cider. I love apple cider at Christmas. I let my spices mull with the apple juice while I read a chapter for my exam. After about half an hour I started to smell the cinnamon and cloves and went to the kitchen to get a mug. Well there was smoke and flames coming out of the pot. Good work! The pot was completely ruined and my house was full of smoke. Not to mention it's -30C outside, so when I opened the doors and windows to air out the house it was freezing! JRK performed numerous cleaning experiments he found on the Internet to clean my pot. No success. It went in the dumpster last night.

The next day I wrote my exam. It was brutal. They asked ridiculous questions. Nothing really encompassed the important concepts in the book. They asked questions worth 20 marks on information contained in one paragraph in the text book. I have never failed anything in my life. I think this will be a first. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Yesterday I was trying to finish my Christmas baking. I made half of one recipe and half of another. Good grief Charlie Brown. I just can't seem to get anything right. I realized my mistakes in time and was able to modify a recipe for another type of cookie. So it wasn't all a waste, just a frustrating exercise.

Why is Christmas so stressful? It seems everyone wants something from me. So and so wants 100 dvds, so and so wants 10 Christmas wall hangings, so and so wants a cookie tray... I want to sit down and enjoy the season before it's over! I didn't even enjoy putting up my Christmas tree this year. I felt like a job. It was on the chore to-do list.

I think it's time for my Valium and Egg Nog...

D-Day

2009-12-09T08:19:00.003-06:00

I hate studying. No PS3, no blogging, no Christmasy stuff make Paige go CRAZY!

Don't Poke The Bear

2009-12-08T11:16:00.003-06:00

My exam is tomorrow. I'm studying feverishly. It's almost time to panic about all the things I still don't know.

Every half an hour someone comes into my cubicle, "You're busy studying." Yes, yes I am. (I'm allowed to study at work if my real work is caught up, it is.) Then they stand there. If you need something, then get on with it. If you just came to waste my time GET OUT! Please leave me to my studying. I hate it. I'm doing my best to keep my cool. If it's not an emergency please don't bother me.

Why must people be so annoying?

Hope 4 Anissa

2009-12-07T09:38:00.003-06:00

On December 10th I will be donating 50% of any sales made on my Etsy site to Hope 4 Anissa. You can follow the link to find out more or you can click on that badge over there to the right. Also to the right is the link to my Etsy shop if your interested in any holiday cards, there's still time to get your Christmas cards out!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

2009-12-04T11:00:00.002-06:00

So far December is being quite good to me! We have snow and today the trees in the park across the street from my office are covered in hoar frost. It's a beautiful picture post card! Too bad I can't snap a photo to share with you.

I'm really not enjoying being stuck in the office today. I'm sitting here trying to study, looking out my window wishing I was at home with the heat cranked, mulling spice and apple juice on the stove smelling up my kitchen while I make fudge and singing along to Christmas songs.

That's the real kicker, studying. It's Christmas! I want to be doing Christmasy things!

P.S. Can anyone tell me why all my shows were re-runs again this week? Slyde? It's not the sweeps again is it?

Welcome December!

2009-12-01T10:52:00.002-06:00

The snow has just started to fall. I'm glad. I need snow for Christmas. It can melt December 26th, but I need snow while I prepare my cookies and my Christmas cards. I need snow while I sing along to really bad Christmas music. It just wouldn't be the same without it.

I'm ready for December. November, as always, was a bitch. I'm glad it's over. I'm done with the universe shitting on my head. I'm done with the purple room (reveal photos to follow soon). I'm done with accepting blame and getting stepped on for no reason. I'm through with being taken advantage of. I'm done trying to make plans for momentous events only to have them change 3.784928 billion times. I'm tired of rushing around trying to make things perfect knowing I will be the only one to notice. I'm done with it all.

My Karma seemed to get a shit kicking last month and now I am trying to rebuild. I'm making changes and moving on. Slowly things are lightening up. This exam is the last thing looming over my head. And then it will be time for baking and Christmas tree decorating. I'm getting excited again, it's a good feeling!

Pamplemousse Rose

2009-11-26T10:12:00.005-06:00

I'm in the middle of making some huge changes around here - I'm hoping to have all of my ducks in a row by the new year. There will be somewhat of a surprise come 2010...

I've been swamped with studying for yet another insurance exam, making Christmas crafts and cards to get out to family, trying to get to my Christmas baking, which I am already so far behind, and maintaining my regular exercise routine. I don't know where the time goes! In the midst of these mundane activities I've fallen down on my blog duties. For that I apologize, I know you're heart broken.

I did want to share with the that I had the most excellent Pink Grapefruit juice this morning...

Another reason why I don't Face Book or Twitter...

2009-11-17T08:35:00.001-06:00

Wendy's

2009-11-13T11:51:00.003-06:00

When I was little, my dad and I would often pick up a Wendy's hamburger and take it to my mom who worked as a nurse at the children's hospital. Mom often worked shift work so when we could we would meet her for supper. Maybe dad just couldn't cook, so we got burgers on those nights? Anyway, I loved a Wendy's hamburger.

This past Wednesday, Remembrance Day, my cousin and I had lunch plans. We decided that since we both had to work on a stat. holiday and that that was a bunch of crap, we would have lunch. All I really wanted was a nice bun and a nice bowl of soup. Not too much to ask right? Well. We went to five different lunch cafes only to find them all CLOSED. For REMEMBRANCE DAY. Why were we working on a stat. when so many others were not. What a bunch of crap. Finally we just went to Wendy's. Our hour lunch was now down to half and hour and we were hungry.

I was a little skeptical. It seems every time I go to this Wendy's location it's a complete shit show. Seriously. I don't got that often, usually because of said shit show, but they just can't seem to get it together. Ever. We go in anyway, and there's a line up. And the line moves s-l-o-w-l-y. As usual. Finally it's my turn and I already know there's going to be a complication, because I want one meal to stay and one to go. I should have jut asked for everything to go. But I didn't. I ordered a number 1 combo, just a burger, fries and drink - iced tea, and a Double Baconator combo. The girl at the till asked me if I wanted the large drink. No. A regular sized iced tea, I didn't need a pailful of drink. Well. The girl at the till was new and was over charging me by not pressing the combo button - the other girl at the counter sorted that out for me. I ended up getting a litre of cola, even though I asked for regular, whatever no big deal. I laughed. A shit show every. single. time.

This is where the problems start. Some guy two ahead of us ordered a burger no lettuce no onions. Because of the special order he had to wait. Then the first guy ahead of us decided he wanted an extra chili. Well he ended up with 2 burgers he wasn't supposed to have and no chili. Not knowing, he took half of his order (which came on two trays) to his table. The girl at the till thought he left. She puts his other burgers to the side. No onion, no lettuce guy is still waiting. Then there are burgers and fries everywhere and the girl at the counter doesn't know what any of them are or to which order they belong. My cousin and I can't help but giggle. We know what goes where and we're just standing in line. Extra chili guy has to bring back his tray, he gets all his burgers, no chili. No lettuce, no onions guy is still waiting. Finally my cousin says, "This guy has everything he needs, except the chili. That burger goes to this gentleman here. Then come our orders. Cheeseburger, Double Baconator and Spicy Chicken."

The girl at the counter: "What did you want in the to go bag?" I said, "Well if you just give me a bag then I can just put in what I need to." Okay? Okay! 45 minutes after beginning our journey we had our lunch. We actually got everything we ordered, except for my exceptionally large drink, which I never did finish...